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25 Ways to Determine if the GOP's Spins Satisfy Your Intellect Points Exposing Bush and His Party Receive Wide Circulation |
You know you're a Republican if you believe that...
1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for your "recovery". 2. Those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. 3. The U.S. should quit the UN and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq. 4. Government should stay out of people's lives but punish private sex with the "wrong" gender. 5. Pollution is okay as long as it makes a profit. 6. Prayer in schools is okay as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha. 7. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India. 8. A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever. 9. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary. 10. You hate the ACLU for representing convicted felons, but it was okay to bail out Oliver North. 11. The best way to encourage military morale is to praise troops overseas while cutting VA benefits. 12. Group sex and drugs are sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California. 13. It is wise to keep condoms out of schools -- we know if teens have no condoms they won't have sex. 14. The way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money. 15. Government medicine is wrong; HMOs and insurance companies have your best interests at heart.
17. Tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science" but Creationism should be taught. 18. War with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq. 19. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush One made war on him, good when Cheney did business with him and bad when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion. 20. Government should restrict itself to powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet. 21. The public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter". 22. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because it just can't handle the truth. 23. You support state's rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally-passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have. 24. What Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did much later is "stale news" and "irrelevant". 25. Trade with Cuba is wrong because it is Communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is dandy. |
16. Health care to Iraqis is sound policy but health care for Americans is socialism.