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Circulating Internet Favorites
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, The Almighty asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions:
1. How did you find out about your deity?
2. Which model deity did you acquire?
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? Yes No If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:
4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply:
5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply:
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply:
7. God reputedly employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer? Select one below: a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know. e. What's Divine Intervention? 8. God also reputedly attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 your opinion of the handling of the following (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent): a. Disasters: 1 2 3 4 5 -- flood 1 2 3 4 5 -- famine 1 2 3 4 5 -- earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 -- war & holocausts 1 2 3 4 5 -- pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 -- plague 1 2 3 4 5 -- Spam 1 2 3 4 5 -- AOL b. Miracles: 1 2 3 4 5 -- rescues 1 2 3 4 5 -- spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 -- stars hovering over tiny towns & unknown hamlets 1 2 3 4 5 -- crying statues 1 2 3 4 5 -- water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 -- walking on water 1 2 3 4 5 -- coincidence of any sort 1 2 3 4 5 -- getting any sex whatsoever 
9. From time to time God reputedly makes available the names and addresses
of Her/His followers and devotees to selected reputedly divine personages
who provide quality services and perform intercessions in His behalf. Are
you interested in a compilation of listed offerings? Yes, please deluge me with religious zealots for the benefit of my own mortal soul No, I do not wish to be inundated by religious fanatics clamouring for my money 10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.) 
© 1997-2002 BEI |
