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 White House Web Site 'Dangerous & Detestable New Presence on World Wide Web' 'Resembles Effeminate Pastel Sketches of Homosexual Art' |
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Compiled by GayToday Courtesy: WhiteHouse.Org The text of the statement by White House Chief Occupant Bush says: 8:10 A.M. EST THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Earlier today, I was briefed by my National Security Advisor, Condoleezza Rice on the emergence of a dangerous and detestable new presence on the World Wide Web. On August 31st, as Americans were settling in to their extended Labor Day weekends, a rogue and counterfeit web site masquerading as the official home page of The White House was established on the Internet by parties as of yet unknown. Rife with misinformation and grotesquely nefarious Anti-American propaganda, the all-new digital outpost thumbs its nose at the very notion of decency, shamelessly exposing its ideological genitals to any and all unfortunate passersby - in broad daylight no less - at the publicly accessible address www.whitehouse.gov. The apparent work of skilled counterfeiters, the new web site is nevertheless marked by two conspicuous flaws, which we can only hope will successfully advertise its falseness to even the most cognitively-impaired members of the global Internet-using community: While initially convincing in its polished presentation, the www.whitehouse.gov web site's soft and etherial design bears an unmistakable resemblance to the effeminate pastel sketches of homosexual art students. Rest assured that I, your rugged and determinedly non-cultured President, would never permit myself to be represented by such a sissified creation. While it may offer an undeniable abundance of meticulously constructed lies, visitors will note that fully 35% of www.whitehouse.gov is published in the Mexican language. True, I may have dabbled in that particular un-American tongue during my days patronizing wetbacks in Texas, but to suggest for even one minute that I would sanction the use of such a gutteral dialect in official White House communications is patently absurd - and I trust that visitors to the rogue Internet property will realize as much. At this time, I have authorized Attorney General John Ashcroft and newly appointed FBI Director Robert Mueller to spare no expense in seeking out the perpetrators of this global fraud, and bringing them to justice. Make no mistake, the First Amendment to the Constitution remains open to interpretation by the same Supreme Court that declared me a God on earth. I believe that free speech has its limits, and we intend to enforce them at all costs. Thank you. END 8:16 A.M. EST The full text of the authentic White House.Org Press Release: http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2001/090401.asp Debut: Authentic White House Web Site The nation's singularly authentic White House web site: http://www.whitehouse.org captures the Bush family's quintessential concerns, opening for Americans a vibrant window on George W. Bush's home away from his cracker barrel-styled Texas ranch. Among the more intriguing glimpses of White House life offered are those included in Mrs. Bush's daily diary. Among August's entries, for example, are the First Lady's reflections about her personal relations with an earlier First Lady who bears her same name:
BUSH PROCLAMATION George W. Bush's approach to environmental emergencies is, on the authentic White House web site, clarified and transfigured. A July Presidential Proclamation gives all visitors to the site opportunities to appreciate the American leader's thought processes to their fullest:. PRESIDENTIAL PROCLAMATION ON THE IMPORTANCE OF AIR AND WATER 11:30 A.M. EST THE PRESIDENT: Air and water - as Americans, we encounter these essential commodities around us on a daily basis, even depending on their existence for our very survival. As such, they are ubiquitane, and we honor them in their essentialness - offering thanks to the father of Jesus Christ for having the foresight and wisdom to place them here on this planet that we call our earthly home. During childhood, air and water provide us with valuable structure and a shared frame of reference as we mature and evolve from diaper wearing babies into pre-teen young persons. One is the liquid that dilutes our Tang, and the other the invigorating gas that pushes schoolyard taunts from our heaving lungs. As we grow older and more important, so too do air and water - filling our in-ground swimming pools and coursing through the central air conditioning units that insulate us from the searing heat of Texas summers. But let us not forget, just as air and water are essential to the human organism, they are also the lifeblood of the industrial establishment that puts processed food in the mouths of every last American man, woman, and child. From cooling the nuclear reactors that provide electricity to our slaughterhouses, to graciously and painlessly absorbing the exhalations of countless factory smokestacks, air and water have a long and proud tradition of happily doing whatever needs done to ensure the continued expansion and profitability of American enterprise. And for that, we salute them. Some of my esteemed colleagues in the Democratic party may maintain that air and water are not to be trusted, having unleashed untold misery upon the people of our country in the form of floods, tornadoes, and the collaborative effort that is El Niņo. To these persons I say that while we may hate air and water's occasional sins, we can and must continue to love the sinners themselves - though fickle and often cruel to trailer parks they may be. NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, in accordance with a joint resolution of Christie Whitman's Environmental Protection Agency approved May 14, 2001, do hereby proclaim July 17, 2001 to be Industrial Air and Water Appreciation Day. I encourage all Americans to express their acknowledgement of the vital contributions these substances have made to our bodies, our communities, and the very fabric of our moist and wind-swept nation. Thank you. END 11:38 A.M. EST |
Washington, D.C.-The Office of the White House Press Secretary has released
the following statement in which a Mr. George W. Bush denounces what
he says is a "a rogue imposter web site." The sole/ authentic White
House web site, 