One of the most outrageous suggestions made long ago in the pages of ONE, an historic publication, concerned a plan recommending the raising of children to become homosexuals. Lesbians, suggested the author, could be artificially impregnated by gay males and the products of their wombs divided by sex. If boys were born, they'd be given to their gay fathers. If girls, to their lesbian mothers. Then, said the author, these children would be given every conditioning so that hopefully they'd grow up to be homosexually-inclined.

Crazy, you say? Maybe, but lets allow our imaginations to run wild for a moment, OK? What materials—like an ABC book—could be used for such conditioning? Well, why not an ABC Book such as that which has just been published by Gates of Heck, Inc., namely Maurice Vallekoop's ABC Book. It beats Daddy's Roommate all to hell, er, heck, and for men, at least, this book appears to be decidedly more interesting than Heather Has Two Mommies. The author, an acclaimed cartoonist, is now on a national tour, promising evenings of readings, milk and x-rated cookies.

Each letter of the alphabet finds itself represented by an occupation. Illustrated pages are what some will see as occupational hazards— terribly politically incorrect hazards by today's puritanical standards— celebrating sex at the office (no matter where "office work" is done—even aboard space crafts as in "A is for Astronauts" or on ships as in "S is for Sailors").

Although the ABC Book's cover is modest by comparison with its innards (i.e. no penetration on the cover) there is clearly some excitement rising under clothes worn by the two figures drawn. The excitement is, excuse the expression, full-blown once inside the book. If children were to study each letter with the same assiduousness with which this reviewer did, the effect might very well be twofold—the growth of sexual harrassment charges when they grow up, and a raging erection each time any book is read that recalls the ABC Book's approach to the alphabet.

Could this book turn kiddies into homos? Who knows? Stranger things have happened. In February, 1976, for example (according to the gay calendar on my desk) a Detroit jury awarded over $200,000 to a man who claimed a 1975 auto accident, in which his car was rear-ended, turned him into a homosexual. So.

If explicit cartoons are your bag, this book is a must. And yes, its just well-enough crafted to cause a major testosterone rush. Bodily curvatures, and the use of almost every conceivable Kama Sutra position are effective enough, once you've perused A thru Z, to turn you into a veritable Onan, or to send you out on the town to do some serious cruising.

Gates of Heck, Inc. advertises the book as "a hilariously naughty cross between Tintin and Tom of Finland.!" The publisher, an avant garde outfit, publishes some of the most significant sex freedom writers alive. Check 'em out at http://www.heck.com

Here's illustrator Vellekoop's tour schedule, just in case you want to take your clones or adoptees (of any age) to one of his milk-and x-rated cookies appearances:

Monday, March 2, 7:00 p.m. Tower Books, 383 Lafayette Street (4^th Street) (212) 228-5100.

Friday, March 6, 7:30 p.m. A Different Light Bookstore, 489 Castro Street

Saturday, March 7, 2:00 p.m. Virgin Megastore, 2 Stockton Street

Tuesday, March 10, 7:00 p.m. Reading Frenzy, 1420 S.E. 37^th Avenue

Thursday, March 12 7:30 p.m. Beyond the Closet, 518 East Pike Street

Friday, March 13 7:00 p.m. Tower Books, 209 Mercer Street