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GOP Impeachment Gang to Party, Oral Majority Protests

Expect Zealots: Judge Bork, Dick Armey, Tom DeLay
Stepford Wives-Type Organization Honoring Henry Hyde

By Jack Nichols

Bob Kunst
Photo: Edward Duffy

Washington, D.C.�The Oral Majority has announced it plans a presence tomorrow, April 20, at Washington's fashionable and historic hotel, The Mayflower, wherein Monica Lewinsky was recently 'head'-quartered during high profile hearings.

This time, however, the famed hotel�through a right-wing Independent Women's Action Project-- is playing host to sex-obsessed politicos whom Oral Majority President Bob Kunst calls the Gang of Perverts, or the GOP. Kunst fumes, "They're so evil they're willing to take the country down just getting Clinton."

"That Henry 'Jeckle' Hyde�he's getting a reward from these 'Stepford Wife' dames for what? For 'virtue?' Gimmie a break," laments Kunst, "and that Judge Bork, well, he's been hired by a big pizza man in Michigan to be a Roman Catholic law school professor�sex laws courtesy of the Vatican, oooh.

"They're trying to screw the whole nation without condoms," Kunst declares, warming up for his Oral Majority protest, 'Read Our Lips!' "

"The Right Wing's conspiracy didn't stop with their losing the impeachment hearings," Kunst told GayToday, "After a six year witch hunt�well -documented on Michael Moore's new Bravo TV program, The Awful Truth�and over $50 million spent, we got two wins for our side: One, they revealed that they only represented a minority and that we, the Oral Majority are who we've said we were all along.

"The second thing they accomplished for us because of their hogging of 1998's media was that oral sex dribbled from the Oval Office to everyone's lips, no matter who and regardless of their age."

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"Unlike the Log Cabin Republicans," says Kunst, "the Oral Majority doesn't sleep with or support the enemy." Kunst uses tougher words than are generally heard from more mainstream gay organizations. "Some of what I hear, such as from the gay caucus group in the National Democratic Committee that had a statement in GayToday yesterday, seems too much without any passion."

"And what the Log Cabin director, Rich Tafel replied to O'Leary," insists Kunst, "Well, when he blasts Clinton on AIDS he's forgetting that it was the Reagan-Bush Republican watch under which AIDS went completely out of control on purpose to 'get the sinners.' Reagan went with Chancellor Kohl in 1985 to Bitburg, Gemany to honor the SS buried there. No big surprise. In today's Germany, the Nazi Party is actually called The Republican Party. What's new?

Oral Majority protestors gather outside the White House to urge the country to 'Impeach the GOP.' The rallies have become somewhat of a tourist attraction in the capital.
Photo: Edward Duffy

"And its too bad Clinton has to cater to the Right Wing like he's done on 'Don't ask, Don't tell,' but if we hadn't had the Republican Right Wing, he wouldn't have had to cater to them, now, would he? You Log Cabin types shouldn't be plugging Bushit, Jr. and if you do, thinking he's our friend�when he's got those right wingers behind him�those guys'd gas us in a minute�it'll be folks like you who've endangered and betrayed us. "

Kunst believes that greater dangers face both the nation and its gay citizens than is typically thought. "The Republicans created the kind of environment of sexual hate and witch-hunting that resulted in the Matthew Shepard-type tragedies," he says. "The Buchanans, that Moony-Loving Bush-it, Jr. and that Miss Bauer, goose-stepping around in silly presidential pumps will be preaching their anti-gay hate agendas wherever they go."

The Oral Majority will kick off its official "Impeach the GOP" campaign during its Mayflower protest tomorrow between 5 and 8 p.m. Kunst will present the public his latest popular slogan-button, No More Bushit!

Kunst, deft at attracting media attention, expects Tuesday that duo creations by We the People, a Washington-area group, and Oral Majority will run true to form. "Tinky Winky will be riding Patches, a five foot paper-mache 'Impeach the GOP' donkey" promises Kunst, " and will be wearing this new 'No Bushit' button. I expect this button and its accompanying sticker to sweep the nation in the 2000 election that'll go to the Democrats."

"What'll we say to these 'brownshirts in ballgowns' at the Mayflower?" asks Kunst, "Sorry, madam, but the cure for what ails America is to Impeach the GOP ."