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Dear Danny,

I'm from Springfield, Illinois. I have been positive for 11 years now and meds for 6 months. I have been having some problems with the medicines, and getting to sleep these days.

Because of this, I'm very thankful for my new computer and my cyber-connection to other positive folks. I've known that I have been positive for 7 years now. Finding out was a real shocker. I have been trying very hard to keep a positive outlook on things and sometimes it's hard but my stubborn Irish blood has kept me going.

There isn't much support (moral) here in central Illinois, so it's really great to have an on-line community where I can vent, or just share a good laugh. Just wanted to let your readers in on the good news about this important resource.

Signed, The Fighting Irish



Dear When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,

I understand completely what it's like to be kept awake by uncomfortable drug side effects, or just plain old free floating anxiety. Positive cyber communities can make it seen a lot less lonely come three a.m. when you're pacing the floorboards, wondering if the sandman has lost your number for good.

Particularly for those of us, like yourself, who live in areas where there isn't a great deal of available support, the HIV plus cyber community is a great place to share with people who understand, to exchange views about the unique concerns that confront us as HIV+ people, to gather information about new drugs, and ways to combat side effects, and yes, to share a good laugh or two- - which is probably just about the best medicine currently available.

Congratulations on your stubborn Irish streak, on your generous spirit, and on your irrepressible love of laughter. Hang in there Irish, And happy St. Patrick's Day!

Love, Danny


Dear Danny,

I am writing in response to a very touching letter that that you printed called "An All Too Familiar Tale in Texas." I found that many of the feelings the writer expressed in that letter touched me very personally since I went through a very similar experience a couple of years ago. I have been HIV+ since 1982, but have remained remarkably healthy all these years and only recently started on some medication.

In December of 1993 I met my soul mate. He was only 27 and had just been diagnosed with full-blown AIDS. We had only two and a half years together but they were the most wonderful, loving years of my life. He didn't start getting sick until October of 1995 and I was able to quit work so we could be together and I am so thankful for that time. We were able to do lots of things together and talk a lot about what was happening…that was good for both of us.

I feel spending that most important time together made us become one spirit. One of the most difficult things I had to deal with personally was that here I was 41 years old, positive and healthy for 14 years, and he was not even going to see 30. But the wonderful fact remains that knowing and loving him has made me a better person.

Unbelievably, it is going on three years now since he passed away, and as your Texas writer said, I will always miss him, and there isn't a day that I don't think about him many times. But my memories of us together, and his glorious smile help me through the sad times. I was so lucky to have experienced that kind of love and companionship.

Signed, Another "All Too Familiar" Tale in Texas



Dear Never Ending Story,

Yours is one of the most eloquent tributes to the limitlessness of love that I have ever read. Your willingness to love, not "in spite of" but "along with" loss, is not only courageous, but inspirational, and comforting to all of us who must understand in a more profound way than most, that love is eternal. Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing, and most importantly, thank you for loving.

Love, Danny


Dear Danny,

I was diagnosed HIV+ in 1988 and am doing fairly well on my current cocktail. My problem is, I just can't seem to get back to work!. I have interviewed for numerous jobs but I never hear back.

I'm beginning to feel like nobody wants me. I realize that part of the problem is that I suffer from low self esteem because I'm not working , but how can I rebuild my self esteem if I can't get a job? It's a vicious circle, and I know there are many out there in my same position. Some of us are becoming raging alcoholics and many of us are now walking around feeling pretty useless, but what are we supposed to do?

Signed, Bored to Death



Dear Alive and Kicking,

First of all, let me tell you that I sympathize whole-heartedly with your dilemma. You're definitely not alone. Many of us who have been lucky enough to respond to new therapies, and are living longer as a result, are facing the problem of planning for a future for which we still have no guarantees.

So in addition to coping with chronic illness, we are also coping with chronic uncertainty, and a little bit of chronic guilt, too. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that even with the new therapies, living with AIDS is still a full- time job, and survival is not something that any of us can take for granted- -So for me, taking care of myself and my health is always my top priority.

Remembering, too, that there was a time when just waking up to see the next morning was a miracle, can help me to celebrate and appreciate the many blessings in my life, rather than taking them for granted. So my advice to you is to remind yourself that your most important responsibility is to survive- - as long as you're still alive and kicking, you should pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Anything else is gravy.

Love, Danny


Dear Danny,

I'd like to thank you for my ability to be in love, like, and even hate HIV plus guys. I'm HIV negative. I turn to your pages first in A&u. Now I feel very lucky to know that I get to hear the voice of such a caring guy on Gaybc.com. Until your articles, I never knew I could date HIV+ men. So, I fell for a wonderful man.

He told me he was HIV+ the second time we went for coffee. Before we finally made love, we talked about safe sex, and he explained every risk I might be taking (we're both 35-ish) When we made love, it was very cool. Very cool! Six months later we sadly realized that I am a slob, he is not- - I like art, he likes TV, - - I like reading the weekend paper for early morning yard sales, he likes the New York Times crosswords in bed.

So we became friends and broke up. Tommy was in a weird, icy car crash two weeks ago and died. (He didn't drink or do drugs)! Danny, I am the luckiest guy in the world to have known Tommy. Because of Tommy, and because of you letting me know I could fall in love with HIV+ guys. Thanks!

Signed, Heartbroken in the Heartland

P.S. My folks suggested I write you -- I'm still HIV minus, and I'm very sad about Tommy.



Dear Heart of Gold,

"Soon the ice will melt, and the blackbirds sing along the river which he frequented, as pleasantly as ever. "
-Henry David Thoreau

Thank you for your sweet letter. Your kind heart and your touching tribute to your friend Tommy are an inspiration to us all, and a reminder of the awesome power of love, which can transcend anything, including AIDS, and even death.

I know first hand how horrendously difficult it is to lose someone that you love very much- -And there is no way to avoid the grief and sadness that we feel when someone we care about so deeply is taken from us. But the love that you feel for Tommy will always be with you, and in that way, he will always be with you too.

Once you've had an opportunity to grieve and to heal, you will find joy again, because so long as there is love in your heart, there will always be love in your life. Thank you for writing, thank you for sharing, and most importantly, thank you for loving.

Love, Danny

Danny Gale is a freelance writer and a person with AIDS living in New York City. You can write to Danny: Danny Gale, P.O. Box 20274, New York, NY 10025, or E-mail him: Luvdanny@aol.com.


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