Help me out here. When a guy and me are hitting it off and he tells me he is HIV+, I don't know how to react. It doesn't make a difference to me because I practice safe sex. I don't want to offend, I just don't know if there is an appropriate response. Should I be sympathetic? Should I thank him for his honesty? I don't want to minimize what he is going through, I just want him to know that it doesn't make a difference to the chemistry we are experiencing. Any input?

Dear Quite a Find

You are not alone but not as many would be so kind as to care. I can't speak for all of us but I like to hear "thanks for the honesty." That little phrase politely acknowledges the information along with some of the enormous effort that it takes to be that up front. By the way, where do you hang out? My readers are gonna wanna know where to find a nice guy like you.

I read your recent column discussing HIV and its relationship to AIDS. I am a gay man that was living in a straight world during the 80's and early 90's when so many people died. Even though AIDS never touched my life personally during those years, I was aware of the fear and devastation it was causing all humanity.

However, reading about it is a lot different than experiencing it. I know that I have no comprehension of the actual devastation of this disease. I know how blessed I am to have been spared this pain. However, I am concerned that in the near future we may all revisit another tragic period of time in regard to HIV and AIDS.

It scares me to see how many people in the gay community promote barebacking and other forms of unprotected sex. It also frightens me to hear people argue over the cause of AIDS. I agree that researchers and the medical community should aggressively continue to search for a cure, and if that means investigating further, the cause of AIDS that's fine.

But how can anyone in their right mind come to the conclusion that it is prudent to argue over whether or not HIV causes AIDS. It seems to me that this is a waste of valuable energy that could be used in more constructive ways. This debate also seems to be fostering the delusion that it's now safe to have unprotected sex, which is reinforced by the success of the treatments available to those living with HIV and AIDS.

It's ironic that the new treatments, and the progress society has made in fighting this disease (the product of years of hard work, suffering and dying), might now lead to a new period of destruction of life. Maybe it's a generation thing, maybe not. I have to admit, I am just as much a part of this situation as anyone else.

I've always used condoms when having sex with others but I am guilty of having multiple partners. I'm like the rest of the world. Often giving in to the sense of emptiness I sometimes feel, which I use as an excuse to compromise my well being. So I have practiced "unsafe" safe sex. I am still HIV negative, however in light of the current trend I'm seriously reconsidering my sex life.

I don't want to go back to the days of sexual starvation, but I don't want to be blind either. I was moved to share this with you. I guess I wanted someone to know that I'm a gay man with the same needs and desires as the rest of the gay people in this world. I don't feel condemning others with these points of view is productive.

It just scares me to hear about it because these people have taken away my ability to delude myself into being okay with my own unsafe practices. But I should be grateful to them, since their calls have given me a chance to change; they have served as a wake up call. I felt your response was very well presented.

Most importantly to me, your presence has inspired me to be strong in my willingness to change, grateful for my health, and courageous in my efforts to stand by what I have come to believe. God bless you.

Dear Jon,

I am blessed to have any part in inspiring readers like you, and twice blessed to be able to inspire others by printing your letter. Thanks for the positive perspective. Much,

I have a friend who was fast becoming a boyfriend. He is HIV+ and I am negative. I really like him and he likes me too. We hit it off immediately. I thought I could handle a physical relationship with him, but I just got too scared. I broke things off and he is angry with me. I never realized how people stigmatize HIV+ people until I started telling my friends and family about us. I was really hurt that my friends would turn their backs on me because I loved someone who was positive. What are the prospects of a healthy, long-term physical relationship with someone who is HIV+? I really miss him, but I don't want to mislead him.

Dear Positively Intimate,

Your family's objections clearly come from fear and a lack of education--the very same things that pushed you away from this guy you say you loved. Rejection born of ignorance stings and I'm sorry you're hurting but I can't help but imagine how he must feel right now. I think the prospects for a healthy long-term relationship are only as good as your willingness to get educated and face your own fears about HIV. You never know--those fears could be keeping you from Mr. Right.

I just ended a 7-year relationship with an HIV positive lover and tested negative a few weeks ago. Going into the relationship we knew our status and he asked me why I would risk having sex with him. My response was "sometimes when I'm being a little too frisky, in the heat of the moment, you'll look out for me. If you were just a trick the only one looking out for me is me. With you, we can both look out for each other." Over the 7 years we were together, we both looked out for each other and it was some of the best intimate sex I've ever had. Just thought I'd pass that along.

Dear Positively Intimate,

While I believe everyone should ideally be looking out for their own health at all times, your testimonial proves that safe sex and sero-divergence can be hot, loving, and intimate. Thanks for taking the time to write.

I'm not HIV+ but I want to tell you that your column is touching. I'm 27 years old and my cousin died of AIDS when I was 17. My heart and soul breaks every time those four letters are mentioned. He was gay and didn't live near the family; I need him so much and don't have him here to help me, talk to me, or to just listen.

I feel very alone (which, after your reading your columns, makes me feel shallow and selfish). I miss his personal wisdom and love. I'm distant from my family as well. They are very disapproving and lately I have been very down. Reading Love, Danny today helped me to realize that I don't have to be lonely. I realize that I have a great capacity to love and should do something with that.

I know that there are many people suffering from AIDS that are much lonelier that I could ever be. You have inspired me to get out there and spread a little spirit. I have a world to give and somebody out there really needs what I can give... A FRIENDLY LOVING FACE THAT SMILES BACK! Not that this means much...but THANKS! You remind me I need to help and share! You and many others have more courage and character than I probably ever will (my whole life collectively) and need a helping hand. With all of my heart and soul!

Dear Keep Smiling,

It sounds like your cousin made quite an impression on you and I can understand why you miss him so much. It also seems to me that your cousin is still with you in many ways, like behind that heartfelt smile. Just like the capacity for love, every one of us has the potential for courage and character. AIDS is a challenge to all of us, positive and negative to develop these attributes.

In a day and age when AIDS activism has gone by the wayside in favor of gay marriage and parenting rights, your remembrance means a great deal to those of us surviving this disease. Showing people that we can all learn from AIDS and do something about it, is what I have always wanted "Love, Danny" to be about. So, thank you for reminding me that what I do in some little way helps. It makes me feel quite frankly, a bit less lonely and a lot like smiling myself.