Recently my partner found out the he was HIV+ and that prompted me to test again. As a result I was positive. I talked to my doctor (as we both have different Drs.) and he said that, based on numbers, my partner of three years has had this for some time. He's older than I am and I feel angry towards to him. There are times when I hate him - I know that hate is a very strong word. I do understand that we make choices in our lives and when we started this relationship 3 and a half years ago we never talked about HIV. We practiced safe sex for the first year and like most couples - I think - we discontinued with condoms without taking a test. I have all these negative feelings about him and what he is putting me through. I know that first and foremost I should not blame him, but there are times when I just break down and look at my life and see all the medication that I am taking and wonder what my life will be like in the future. I once used to be healthy and active and now, I am always fatigued and wanting to stay inside where it is "safe". I have talked with friends and they are supportive. Life will go on, but how does one get over the fact of what might have been? I left behind my family and friends and my life to move to the States to be with him and then end up having HIV two years later. I am at a loss. I do love and sometimes I think about moving back to Canada, but then I think, it would be all the harder starting over again in this condition. Do you have any suggestions or words of wisdom? Thanks.

Dear Sweet and Hopeful,

It's not clear to me from your letter whether or not your lover knew his situation at the time, but hate and anger are reasonable emotions to experience with any HIV diagnosis. You are not alone in your situation. Your choice to not discuss HIV, not get tested and to dispense with condoms within a relationship, are choices that unfortunately many people make nowadays, which is why I am a proponent of ALWAYS having safe-sex even within a monogamous relationship. I suggest you start off by having a long overdue heart to heart with your lover and don't forget that you had a part in making those choices. Acknowledge the anger and hate and work to move past them. Once you have dealt with those issues find yourself a support group. A group can be another "safe" place for you and you may learn ways to cope. And whenever you can, try and take a deep breath and relax. We are very fortunate to live in a time when something can be done to suppress viral load and prolong our lives. Life does indeed go on. It may take an unexpected turn now and again but it is still a road well worth travelling. Speaking from personal experience, helping others to make educated choices certainly isn't anything I ever thought I would be doing and yet I've never done anything more rewarding. In other words, be open to change and counter fatigue and fear with a will to live and the power of a positive perspective. There was a saying awhile back that has fallen out of use, "be there for the cure." It is still my mantra. Let's be there together.

My penis has a hair trigger. Just the right swish of the trousers and SPROING! You'd think the room got called to attention. Anyway, this gets kind of annoying when I'm around my new boyfriend. Even the slightest kiss causes me to become aroused. I don't want him to think that I'm horny all the time and only want sex, because that is certainly not the case. I really like him and I don't want this to get in the way, both literally and figuratively. Most of the time my penis stays flaccid enough to go about my business, but when he's around it's like boner-central and there seems like no way to stop it. Granted, he does turn me on and I do like sex, but there has just got to be some way to control this when it is not wanted. Is there an anti-Viagra? Please help!

Dear Hard to Believe,

I would be remiss if I didn't caution you to keep it covered. That said, if you find that hair trigger could you please write back and let me know where it is? Viagra isn't covered by my insurance.

I recently printed a letter from a man who called himself "Bitter and Angry". In his letter he told of how he was infected by his lover. That particular letter must have struck a chord because it generated so much loving mail. Many of you offered your own advice, support and hope. I thought I would take this opportunity to pass your love onto him.

You recently had a letter from someone who moved to the US to be with his lover and found out he was HIV+. Please reassure him life does go on. This July will be 16 years for me and I have only had one HIV related illness. - Jeffrey

I have to say that at first I was scared for about 5 minutes. But I realized that there have been tremendous strides made in treatments and medications even since 1999. Even having lost a partner at such a young age, I have never thought of HIV/AIDS as a death sentence. I pull from the strength that my partner had and how he took on each day fervor and lots of life. -Bruce

My reason for writing you and your readers, is to let you all know that there are 'neg' people out there like myself, who do not see Love as 'poz' or 'neg', but for what really is. The greatest gift that we have been given. We have the capacity to love and be loved regardless of our HIV status. Would I fall for another person that is 'poz'? YOU BET I WOULD! -Michael

I guess my point is you must find your inner strength and realize that this is not the end of life but only the beginning of something totally different. -20 and Happy

What can I say? I tested positive 7 years ago after non-disclosure from my previous partner.... Then he continued to deny it! Such is life. Initially I was very angry but as the years wore on I turned my life around. I now own my own business and find yes, I get tired, but my health is great and my attitude about being positive even greater. I no longer care who knows and who doesn't...the moral to this email is don't allow HIV or society or partners for that matter, rule your life. Get out there and accomplish your dreams. It's a little harder, but through it all I am the one that came out on top...not my status! -Successfully and Positively Proud

I learned from experience you must forgive the one who infected you. I know this will be tough but I did and I do feel much better. My ex infected me and he KNEW he was infected but I forgive him. It is easier to forgive than to carry around a grudge, trust me I know from experience. -George

I have had HIV for about 3 years now. My boyfriend gave it to me during our relationship. At first we tried to continue the relationship but over time it crumbled because l got stronger and began to get angry. I left and started my new life, got a place of my own, and put 100% into my work. l was feeling very negative about guys and thought "who the hell would want me now," so l went on a club binge and found myself taking too many drugs and sleeping around like never before. I couldn't bring myself to tell my dates l was positive so when it started to get serious, l would leave them. It was easier than telling them and them freaking out. One day l met this guy who took my breath away, I couldn't believe he would be interested in me. It took me months of fighting off feelings and sexual urges cause l thought if l told him he would run. Then one day when I had some courage I told him and he was okay with the whole thing. We have been together now for the best six months in my life. Oh and we have had amazing safe sex (the best I've ever had). I think a person just needs to be strong and not let HIV control your life. Live life to the fullest and don't be scared and allow yourself to take the plunge into new, honest and exciting relationships. David

I hope this finds "Bitter and Angry" in a much better place than when he wrote. There is a line in one of my favorite songs by David Friedman that says, "And maybe well find true peace of mind, if we always remember we can be kind." I have the kindest readers in the world.