I went to the whole "Equality Rocks, Millenium March on Washington thing" this year and I'm pissed. As a person living with AIDS I didn't feel very "equal," I felt forgotten about. Few could argue that AIDS mobilized the March in '93 and actually helped to form this fledgling community that is now fighting for equality.

It's ironic that we should go from heroes in '93 to a forgotten few in the new Millenium. This time the march seemed like a reason to have an event or circuit party that people living with AIDS can't even afford. Uh, Hello!

Couldn't we take a few precious moments away from the party to remind the world that AIDS is a global problem that hasn't gone away since the March in '93? In fact we may be forgotten but we are far from a few. We are millions of people. Each and every day there are more and more of us, and we are younger and younger.

I'm proud of all that the gay community has accomplished but I can't help but feel a little let down. Equality Rocks! Yeah, right. The next time we go to such great lengths to demand to be treated with respect I pray we learn to treat each other with respect first. I mean, what good is equality if we don't have the health to enjoy it? Why bother? How are we supposed to fight when we are tired and cast aside?

Dear Unforgettable,

I agree that AIDS was missing from the agenda at the Millenium March. That alone is reason to fight. Don't get me wrong. We all deserve the right to marry, and every right that every other person in this country enjoys, but I too am scared that the message from the March in '93 has been prematurely forgotten. Here are a few reasons why I think we need to bother…

1. Amtracking it back from the March I sat next to a man who admitted to me that he was a closeted HIV positive doctor and that anyone who is "too stupid to insist on condoms" deserved to be infected... He's angry.

2. Recently a woman wrote me because she adopted two positive children when her sister died of AIDS... She's overwhelmed.

3. Just the other night an ex-lover of mine called me crying because last month he lost two of his best friends, both died after years of surviving gracefully on hard to tolerate "miracle" drugs... He's lonely.

4. While I was crying over the number of '99's lovingly stitched onto new panels of the Names Quilt and for the first time ever imagining my own panel, a few guys behind me howled with laughter over someone's club blunder at an "event" the night before...I'm scared.

5. Jeanne White had to shut down The Ryan White foundation because of a 21% drop in donations… She's disappointed.

6. A recent study indicates that the majority of people newly infected with AIDS are younger than 25…They're our future.

So, we have to find the strength somewhere... even if the gay community longs to move on. I saw other people with AIDS at the march but not because we were part of any agenda. I just recognized their faces. Faces like mine. Drawn and tired, from wasting and exasperation. Tired of rejection, meds, financial hardship, not being understood, explaining why we don't work or why we don't yet need IRA's. Tired of trying so desperately to stay alive.

I know it's not easy. A solid spiritual base has sustained me. I worry that some of us spend so much time taking care of the physical-self, that we forget to keep the spiritual-self alive. Take care of the spiritual self and it will take care of you. We have to have faith and develop our own spiritual strength. That doesn't mean we have to go it alone. I believe that a collective inner peace will bring us strength and friends from unexpected places to join forces with those who have loved us all along. Let's not get angry or even. Let's not wait for the others. Let's get busy. Let's find the love within and use it to reeducate. I believe a life lived from love, not anger, lives on forever. Years from now whether I am a person or a quilt panel, I will be at the march, I will be visible, and I will have made a difference. From now until there is a cure, I pledge to make a part of every day about Aids awareness. Not just for me, but for all of us, equally.

My lover was diagnosed HIV + four years ago when we were in a "supposedly" monogamous relationship of ten years. We both tested HIV negative when we initially entered our "love" and were still negative after six months. After the initial shock and sympathy, I became very angry, with his foolishness and how he had put me at risk. We didn't use condoms, and we split up. My choice, I was too ... unreasonable, I had never looked at anyone else.

I loved him too much to lose him, and we got back together after two years. Now there is increased pressure to go back to our condomless sex-life. I don't want to lose what we have, but neither do I want to die. I want to be able to nurse him if he does become ill (although I am hoping for a cure before then). He says, " if I loved him ..." What am I asking you? I don't know. This man helped me out of the closet, gave me a home when my parents abandoned me, and steered me back onto the right track. I finished my education, got a good job… now he wants too much of me? I wouldn't hesitate to tell somebody else in this situation what to do, but cannot take my own advice.

Dear You Already Did,,

While this man may have seen you through a great deal, there is no reason you have to repay him with what could be your health. You worked hard to get your life in order so I suggest you to stick to the condoms and keep it that way.

Granted, I am only hearing your side of the story and while I can tell you care for him, he put you at risk once already. You are blessed to still be negative. I say "if he loves you," he wouldn't want it any other way. If you won't take your own advice, then take mine. If he is making you choose between a condom and him, hard as it may be, you had better opt for the condom.

Ending relationships is never easy but neither is AIDS. To be honest, I am more concerned about your lover and what he tells and does with people he doesn't love. Maybe, as his friend, you can help him understand his compulsion to put others at risk. Whatever you decide, Play Safe, Stay Negative, Think Positive and remember that real love transcends relationships.

Thank you for your up-front approach to living. Having dealt with the loss of loved ones educating myself is not fun. Many men that I've come into contact with are no longer "as aware" and are practicing unsafe sex. That kind of took me aback. I've been going through a lot of stress this last week because I've been waiting for my own test results. I haven't had unprotected anal sex, but can't help but wonder if I may have by chance been infected through sores in my mouth etc., not that I have them regularly… Why am I so worried now? Maybe it's because I've met someone positive who I like a lot and am a bit afraid of being infected. We've talked a bit about it and I'm trying to work through my own stuff. Thanks again for making HIV Awareness easier for myself (and I'm sure many others) to talk about. My best to you.

Dear You make Me Proud,

Waiting for HIV test results is hell, especially if you have engaged in any risk behavior. I applaud you for having the courage. Testing positive was the end of most of that worry and the beginning of a much healthier life for me.

For you, hopefully, a negative result will lead to a reeducation and reevaluation of what you consider to be safe so you can avoid some of that worry next time round.

Thank you, for your willingness to talk about AIDS when many need to, and few are willing. I pray by now you've tested negative, and enjoyed many a safe, educated, fearless date with that special guy.

Chin Up. Take two identical walks this week. On the first one notice where your gaze naturally falls. Signs, litter, people. For the second let your eyes land where they usually do and then, keeping your gaze straight, tilt your chin up just a few inches. Now look around. Treetops, architecture, birds, clouds. It's the same walk, just a tiny bit closer to heaven.