This is my first time asking for advice, so please bear with me. I am HIV Positive for 13 years and have been in a relationship with an HIV negative man for the last 3 years. I'm 34. He's 48, but that's a non-issue.

When we met, he knew about my status and it didn't matter to him and we decided to give it a shot. For the past 6months, my health has been going downhill, to the point of having to quit work and go on disability, so lets just say the sex really cut down.

I'm now finding that his prowess is in full force. Last night after I went to bed, he left and didn't get home till 3am. I was awake so I asked where he was..."went for a burger". That is just one example. Now he travels about 70 % of the time.

I know he likes to have his fun when he's away. I'm fine with that, but when he's home I want him here with me. I feel very guilty, I know he should have an escape from taking care of me occasionally but do it when you're away!

I can't lose this man, he's the best thing that ever happened to me, but I'm scared. Do I just let everything go and just be glad he's helping me through all this? Or should we discuss this situation more thoroughly? What if he finds someone else ? Thank you for any input that you have.

Dear Your Health Comes First,

My vote is always for "discussing the situation more thoroughly". Have you mentioned to your lover how upset you are ? While you may think you have communicated this and other things, perhaps you haven't been specific about how his behavior makes you feel.

It sounds as if the time has come for you to address these issues. I don't know how your lover will react, but I do know that your health isn't benefiting from this added stress. While it may be nice to have a companion, what good is companionship without emotional support? One should sort of imply the other, don't you think?

You have a right to expect no less than 100% from a partner regardless of your health. You yourself say that you decided to give a relationship "a shot" which implies to me that you were aware from the onset that no relationship comes with a guarantee.

I imagine it must be very difficult to not be feeling well and to feel at the same time as if you are losing an important lifeline. The truth of the matter is, though, that your lover isn't helping you by fibbing, and you aren't helping yourself by beating around the bush and remaining in a situation that is causing you such discomfort.

Have a talk, come to some agreement and move forward so that you can spend your energy on you. Please take good care of yourself and God Bless.

I am going to ask a rather blunt question. No harm intended. How did you contract the Aids virus? And what are the first signs of the virus? I was training to be a nurse and working with sick people everyday, their body fluids and such.

And have also put myself at risk by having unprotected sex. But foolishly have never gone for an Aids test, for fear of what the result will be. I keep a temperature of 99-101 all the time. Sometimes I feel so weak

I can barely move like all the blood has rushed out of me and left no energy to even think. Other than things like that there are no visual signs but I am not certain what to look for.

Dear You Said It Best,

I contracted AIDS in 1981 when there was no such thing as AIDS or safe sex. I came to NYU, saw two guys making out, realized in that moment that I was gay, and over the course of that first year had unprotected anal intercourse a number of times.

The next summer AIDS made the papers in a very quiet kind of way, but I was scared enough to start using protection, so I'm certain I contracted AIDS within that first year.

For all those years before I found the courage to get tested, I, just like you, worried about every cold, flu, and zit. HIV can be in your system, and doing damage, long before there are any symptoms to "look" for.

Because of your history, my advice is to get tested. That is not to say that I assume you are positive, in fact I pray that you aren't, but knowing one way or another will enable you to take care of yourself physically and mentally.

I believe that knowing I'm HIV positive has saved my life. Put your mind at ease by facing your fears and properly addressing your health problems…or hopefully, your lack thereof.