I read your response to Lonely Heart, and I just have to comment. . "WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!!!" Pardon my language but what the x%!*! is this crap about love and finding love and crying tears of joy. I mean this guy is turning to you for some real advice in the midst of a serious crisis and you give him hogwash.

First of all, did you even read his letter? He has been HIV for 16 years and has not said a word to anyone about it. Don't you think if he could have found love by now -- he would have? Dude, he needs some serious help. I know nothing about his home life or his family; but, I think he should definitely talk to his family about his health.

This kind of isolationism is very unhealthy, and the love and support of a family can be very important in a time like this. Can you imagine the horror if his family was to learn the truth only after he became seriously ill? Did you even think to inquire as to why he felt he could not discuss this with them?

Second, and even more egregious, how come you did not tell him to seek out a support group? I mean, I do not know where Lonely Heart lives; but, in this day and age it is very possible he can find an HIV positive support group wherever he may live. If nothing else, there are plenty of 1-800 hotlines to help you deal with the crisis of AIDS. Yet, you make no mention of this in your response.

Finding love in your heart is nice and all that; but, he needs to be able to share his feelings with someone first before he can find love. Finally, it appears that Lonely Heart may also be suffering from some very real clinical depression and he should definitely talk to his doctor about his feelings and seek professional help (this is actually the only good thing you suggested in an otherwise shallow letter devoid of any seriously helpful advice).

Believe me when I say your letter truly aggravates me. How dare you hold yourself out as being fit to give advice when all you do is propound platitudes of empty bullshit, I seriously suggest you run your future responses to these types of letters by a real professional.

Dear You are Entitled,

While your suggestions for Lonely Heart are generally good ideas, I couldn't assume from his letter that his family will react favorably if he disclosed his HIV status, or that there will be support groups available in his immediate area.

Therefore, since I don't get to talk to him in detail, I suggested that "Lonely Heart" discuss his suicidal feelings with the one resource I could be sure would be available- -a health care professional who is qualified to deal with depression.

Then I tried to assure him he is loved and not alone. Thanks for your input and despite our differences in style, I know we are coming from the same loving place- - we both want "Lonely Heart" to be a bit less lonely.

I turned 26 last week. My counts are very low and I am afraid that they will get even lower. I have been looking at my life and I feel that I have done almost everything that I want to do. If God were to say, "Let's go home son." I'd gladly go with him.

I, however, have given it more thought as of recently and thinking like that is very greedy. I am going to go back to the Doctors office and get my health in order so that I can keep myself around for my friends and family. I just wanted to let you know that your column touched me. Who knows? Maybe if I keep myself around long enough, I'll find love and have time to enjoy it.

Dear Many Happy Returns,

What a score! A brighter outlook is a great gift to give yourself, and one that keeps giving back. A positive perspective will help you to find the love you're looking for in your self, your family and your friends.

You'll start enjoying love as soon as you recognize that love is all around you. Pierre De Chardin, a theologian/philosopher once said, "The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, and gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire." In other words, there is plenty left for all of us to do here before we go home.

I recently started dating again after testing positive a little over three years ago. The first guy I dated was honest with me and told me he was HIV positive on our first date. That opened the door for me to come clean. Since then, we have separated and I have been dating again.

I have been "seeing" someone for a month now and I still haven't told him, but we also haven't been intimate yet, just a few kisses and hugs. I don't think it's going to amount to anything and I met someone else and will hopefully have a first date this week. I am scared to death to disclose my status but feel an obligation to be honest.

When is it a good time to let the other person know? The first, second, or third date, or when we start becoming more intimate. I want to get to know the guy first and let him get to know me so that when I do tell, he doesn't view me as just another statistic. My friends who have dated someone who was HIV+ believe that most people are not so apt to run away scared. But, I still am hesitant and don't want to let this rule my love life.

Dear Hold On,

Disclosure, all these years later, is still a very personal decision. I agree with your friends that people are less likely to be scared off these days but you always run the risk of rejection when you tell people you are HIV positive.

Then again, nowadays you run the risk of rejection if you admit to less than 10 inches. Since I'm on disability I often have to disclose as a part of the "small talk" that goes into the making of the first date. This forces me to get over my fear of rejection and be up front.

Reactions vary and not all of them are unpleasant, but I find people still fear what they don't understand. Allowing somebody to get to know you may give you some time to covertly educate them, but my experience has been that if someone is going to have a problem with your status it doesn't much matter what date you are on when you tell them.

They are still going to have a problem. What's made it easier for me to come clean is not perfect timing but realizing that their rejection was about their own fears and had little to do with me as a person. My suggestion is to disclose "conversationally" sometime before intimacy, not on your way from second to third base.

People have very different views on what they consider to be safe-sex so establish those boundaries early on, then you are free to come clean only whenever you're comfy, and let self confidence, not fear of rejection, be your ruler.

I tested HIV positive in September '99. I wasn't really surprised. What was shocking was when I found out my blood levels. My CD-4 count was very low, and my viral load was very high. I can't tell you how scared I was! I decided to take meds, and luckily my levels have really improved but I still let this really get me down.

My family doesn't know a thing, and for right now I'd like to keep it that way. My partner and I have been together almost 4 years. He is negative and a wonderful guy but he can't understand fully the mental stress I'm going through, so my support system is rather limited. Where can I go for support? Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Dear Up with Cyber-Support,

Unfortunately along with the improved health of many of us with HIV comes the misguided notion that AIDS is no longer a problem. This has lead to a decrease in funding making support groups hard to find. While your lover and your family may be wonderful, they will never know what it is to be HIV positive so your instinct to find others like yourself is a good one, but it requires some work.

I, like many who are fortunate enough to have access to a computer, turned to the Internet. Since you emailed me, I'm going to assume you have Internet access and refer you to thebody.com which has one of the most comprehensive set of links to all sorts of AIDS Organizations state by state.

They may lead you to a group you can attend but don't overlook the support right at your fingertips. Many websites like Gay.com have HIV areas where there are resources, first person accounts of living with AIDS and chat rooms for Poz folk that address the unique problems presented to us by the presence of HIV/AIDS in our lives and can make us feel less alone. So boot up, log on and surf your way to support and self reliance.