I discovered I had HIV two years ago. Shortly after taking the test, I met a guy, we had safe sex and were beginning a relationship while I waited for the results. When I found out he was very supportive, and decided to get tested himself. It happens that he turned out positive also. I'm sure it wasn't from me. We both probably really needed each other at the time, and we went right into a relationship. Anyway, a month ago, I came home, he told me he was unhappy and moved out the next day. He has a history of doing this. Now I'm single again and faced with dating or being alone. I don't like the idea of being alone. Why do so many guys see a red flag when they find out you're positive? Especially here in Tulsa. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Any suggestions?

Dear Ok in OK,

No one likes being alone. It means facing your fears, including your fear of rejection. After facing AIDS, however, rejection should be easy to conquer. The boyfriend leaving doesn't sound like the issue, nor does the ignorance of those who see that red flag going up. Sounds to me as if what you're afraid of is being alone Perhaps you should make use of this time by developing a better relationship with yourself. Take a long hard look at why you don't like the idea of being on your own. When you do, I think you'll discover that what you're so desperate for in a mate, can be found within yourself.

Someone told me that one of the things they revealed at the World AIDS conference was that there is now a strain of the virus that is resistant to many of the AIDS drugs currently available. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that mean that people who are having unsafe sex could be spreading an untreatable form of the virus. Uh…Helloooo!!!? Do you think that this news will discourage some of the bareback sex parties that are around? What will it take before people decide to say safe sex or no sex and be proud of that decision?

Dear You Said It Best,

A recent survey conducted in three U.S. cities revealed that two thirds of the young gay men polled reported having had unprotected anal intercourse within the last year and a half. So, unfortunately, you don't need correcting. We've got a problem, with or without a resistant strain of the virus. In yet another survey of young gay men, those who were comfortable with their sexuality, and felt support from other gay friends, were more likely to have safe sex than those who lacked self-acceptance and community support. In other words, self esteem and safe sex go hand in hand. Maybe we should work on emphasizing self- esteem before sexual desirability in our community and make an attempt to educate those who follow in our footsteps about the choice to say no. This recent news out of the 12th World AIDS Conference is yet another reminder that the AIDS crisis is not over, and that safe sex remains a life or death decision. Some think that pessimistic, I, and most of us living with AIDS know that it's the truth.

I have been domestically partnered with the love of my life for three years. He is surviving AIDS. He remains on disability, although he's currently on his most effective cocktail. His counts are good, he looks great, and when I think of him in the hospital two years and twenty pounds ago, a tear comes to my eye. My problem is this, I work public relations and am gone from ten to seven Monday through Friday. While I'm at work, he doesn't seem to do too much. I keep encouraging him to go back to work and he gets resentful. Wouldn't it be healthier if he moved on with his life? Don't get me wrong, the house is kept up and a great many meals are made, but he seems depressed, and this oftentimes creeps into our sex life, making it nonexistent. What do you think? How best to get him back to a nine to fiver and keep his spirits and other things, up?

Dear Ease Up,

I understand your frustration, but I also empathize with your friend's current predicament. Many of us who did not expect to live are now faced with balancing health and career. Some of us are even having to choose a career for the first time. These are not easy transitions to make, and are enough to depress anybody. While I understand your concern for your partner, you can be of the most help if you love him unconditionally, and allow him to re-enter whatever his definition of a new professional life will be, at his own pace. Recent medical advances make many AIDS patients appear to be able to handle more than they actually can. Only your partner knows what he's capable of. Gentle persuasion right now probably feels like pressure, which will do nothing to raise the level of your partner's self esteem, or, in turn, his sex drive. Try a few gentle and encouraging words about what your partner is doing, rather than what you perceive he isn't. And don't forget, he has a nine to five job, and that's staying alive. I bet if you really look close enough, you would realize that your partner is very, very good at his job. And when you look at him this time, perhaps the tear that comes to your eye will be one of appreciation for his continued presence in your life.

I am a person with AIDS, recently single, and embarking on a dating life. I'm amazed at how many gay men are desperate to complete themselves through sex or a relationship. Are people really so insecure? I've decided to enjoy a relationship with myself, unencumbered by other people's garbage. One thing AIDS has taught me is that nobody else can validate me but me. Am I the only person who feels this way? Am I destined to be a shut-in because I don't want to kiss on the first date?

Dear Heaven in Hermosa,

Learning to enjoy an unencumbered relationship with yourself sounds like heaven to me. You're right, a good many people look for outer love, when they should be looking inward. I'm happy to hear that you, with the help of your AIDS enhanced perspective, are developing a healthy foundation of inner love. So my friend, have faith in it, share it, and that love will attract others who are as comfortable with themselves as you seem to be.