I never knew much regarding AIDS until 2 weeks ago when my 22 year-old son tested HIV positive 3 days after his birthday. He was in a prominent Bible college and was thrown out because he was gay. I went through what I am sure many parents go through. Shock, disappointment, pain, and anger ruled my world.

He turned to drugs and alcohol. He felt as if it were over. In spite of our beliefs, I allowed him to live in my home. He continued to use drugs, and my Pastor instructed me to "throw him out". I did. He lived here and there, even slept in his car. He became very sick and despite my Pastor, I went into Mom role. I am there today and will stay in my rightful place. I am his MOTHER. As his mother, I love him unconditionally.

I became disillusioned, hurt, angry and confused and I quit attending church. I went with my son and his current partner to get a second test result. I was told I was the first woman to EVER do so. So sad. You see my being his MOTHER will NEVER change.

He is alone, scared and shocked that I choose to love him unconditionally. If it costs me friends, the church, whatever, God still loves us and will sustain us. The church can cover their eyes, but I will not. I've read till my eyes hurt. I now know about AIDS. I know the recent figures. Soon we'll all know someone with HIV and the church will no longer be able to ignore and neglect the wounded and the hurt.

I have inquired about support groups for parents and was told there aren't any in my area. I will not shut up or go away for there is no shame! I am still his mother. I will never understand anyone who would put his or her child away like a leper. Forever stigmatized, unloved and misunderstood. A task force worker told me he understood but only a Mother could.

I am broken, wounded, scared and alone. There are programs for those infected and their partners, but for not for mothers. What am I to do, how can I help? Many of the 'faith' have labeled this as a 'fag' disease. If I return to my former church I will have to turn my back on my son. If I seek help from the gay community, it seems I approve of a gay lifestyle, and I don't. However, I can still love - besides, I am his MOTHER! I told God I would continue to educate others, and myself.

This disease does not discriminate. I do have choices. The Jesus in my heart recently said to me "You may choose to be bitter, or you may choose to realize that although the church may not understand like you do, don't hate them, choose love." I am his mother and I do choose love. I may be thrown down, misunderstood, afraid, and alone but I have my God and I love my son.

I'm somewhat angry, geez can you tell? Many think, "she is at the freaking out level." Danny I smile. See I know a God who knows me. I am strong willed, loud, intense, and very loving. There are many like you, and my son, and how many are hiding? No longer will I hide. I am willing against all odds to continue to love and help EVERYONE my God chooses to put me in contact with. Thanks for letting me speak. May God's continuing love be there for you as well Danny.

Dear We are All God's Children,,

I'm so glad you've eliminated the middleman in your conversations with God. I don't understand a religion that asks us to turn our backs on others based on their lifestyles, instead of responding with compassion and love. It takes a very special person to be able to deal so eloquently with such an impossible decision. Nobody should have to choose between their son and their faith.

Merely by refusing to make that choice, and by refusing to remain silent, you are helping many. God would do well to put you in contact with a great many people, and I trust that he will. I also trust that your admirable strength will lead you to that place where you can have your son and your faith.

On behalf of all of us with AIDS, "thank you" for not turning a blind eye in the name of religion. You are inspiration and your son is lucky to have you as his MOTHER. God is love, my friend, and so are you.

I'm a man with AIDS and my new boyfriend is negative. He doesn't have a problem with my status; in fact, sometimes he seems a little too relaxed. There's a certain low risk activity that he wants to engage in (and I'm not talking kissing) and it scares me.

Often I give in in the heat of the moment, but feel guilty afterwards. What if he becomes positive? I couldn't do that to someone, and certainly couldn't live with myself afterwards if I did. I think I could abstain if only he'd ease up on some of the pressure, but I don't want to start a problem because he likes me even though I have AIDS. I know the anxieties aren't healthy. And I don't' want to go through this every time we have sex. What do you suggest?

Dear Innocent Until Proven Guilty,

First off, parts of your letter lead me to believe that you're infatuated with this new boyfriend simply because he's comfortable with your status.

Someone who is already accepting of your status oftentimes seems far more attractive than someone you have to disclose to. The fear of disclosure has kept a lot of people in unhealthy situations, but love, not fear, should be the foundation of a relationship.

Perhaps you guys should set some ground rules. I know what it's like to be in the heat of the moment, but I also know what it's like to feel the guilt afterward. It's easier for me personally to pass and live guilt-free than to succumb to minor sexual urges and then worry about it for weeks to come. That one of my ground rules.

It seems to me if the guilt outweighs the pleasure, then I'm sure your loving boyfriend can ease up on some of the pressure or use a condom. But he can't learn to respect your boundaries until you establish them.

Someone once said, "Sex ought to be a wholly satisfying link between two affectionate people from which they emerge unanxious, rewarded, and ready for more." Don't think of boundaries as limiting your sex life, but rather, as a way to free yourself from guilt. Hopefully, with guilt and fear out of the way, you both will emerge, unanxious, rewarded and ready for more.

Recently my ex-lover tested positive and I'm devastated. A year ago when we tested together we were both negative. Now a year later I continue to be negative, and my very best friend is positive. I don't know what to do for him, and I'm worried because he doesn't seem to be doing anything for himself. It's been three weeks since he found out, and he hasn't even been to a doctor yet. I know enough about AIDS to know that you have to take charge of your life, and should get good medical attention. I know how he must feel but it seems to be like he's wallowing in it, and I'm a tiny bit aggravated with his lack of response. He's an intelligent person, but it doesn't seem as though he's doing anything to help himself. How can I help him to get past this?

Dear A lot to Gain,

Take it from me, you don't know exactly how he feels. You may have your own feelings of devastation and sadness, but you have to realize they come from a different perspective.

The best thing you can do for your friend right now is to support him unconditionally, and when he's ready, support his efforts to be in touch with other people who have AIDS. They know how he feels. Don't try to push your friend into anything. If he's intelligent as you say, he'll deal with things medically once he's dealt with things emotionally.

And do me a favor- -Don't ever refer to someone who is dealing with HIV as a wallower because they are truly nothing but courageous. Lastly, more than anything, I imagine your friend could use a big hug and an, objective ear. The hug may do you some good too.

Listen, my boyfriend and I just recently went to go get tested. Although he had been tested a few months before and came up negative, it was still a possibility that he might come up positive. When we went to go get the test results he did in fact come up positive. I, on the other hand, came up negative. I told him that I was not going to leave him over this and that I was going to be there when he needed me and even when he didn't. I still am.

The thing is.... I don't really know how. I've never had to deal with this so close. You know "it always happens to other people, never to the people close to you". I'm still young, 20, and there are still a lot of things that I have to figure out for myself.

But one thing that I do know is that I want to be there for him whenever and however I can. I just don't know how. I know that there are never any simple answers but I was wondering if you could give me some sort of idea on what I should do, to be there for him. I really care about him a lot.

Dear Willing to Listen,

I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend and I know, from experience, the weeks to come will be a struggle. It is difficult to face a positive diagnosis whether you are 20 or 60 and it is a big adjustment. You both need time to adapt. My advice is actually very simple... listen.

Listen to him and begin educating yourself. In doing so, you can be prepared with support groups and other resources in your area that he may be too upset to look into right away. The knowledge will also help to put your own mind at ease. This will allow both of you the time you need to cope, in your own ways, with his diagnosis.

Don't try to think like him, and don't force action on him that you may take in the same situation. Don't pity him. Don't baby him. Just have that information handy when he is ready to take those steps. Do continue to love him unconditionally. Do hug him. And always lend him an objective ear. You are lucky to have each other and I wish you the very best.