I recently ended a two-year relationship that went sour with another HIV Positive guy. When we met and realized we were both HIV positive I thought I had found the perfect solution to dating. Unfortunately, he not only turned out to be an alcoholic but he became physically and emotionally abusive.

Being poz is definitely not the glue that will bind any relationship. He threatened to "out" me at my job about being gay and HIV positive. Since I'm a teacher, I was terrified of the backlash and battles that would lie ahead.

I stood my ground and walked away from a bad situation. My local chapter of the NEA offered me legal services. I only discussed my homosexuality with them. I didn't want to get into the HIV thing unless I had to. We have enough misconceptions in our own community about AIDS.

I am still nervous about people finding out. I always disclose well before sex, if sex appears possible. Sometimes they leave, their loss. As for anyone outside of my family or medical workers offering treatment, I don't think it is anyone's business. Thanks for the part that you play in making my life better.

Dear Well Schooled,

There are two important lessons here. Disclosure is a very personal decision and "same sero-status" does not guarantee a happy relationship. I'm sorry that you had to endure that kind of strain and worry after trusting someone with your love.

After all you've been through, I don't blame you for being cautious about disclosing. While talking openly with a positive partner may seem like the way to go, your story proves that people are individuals not an HIV status, and decisions about disclosure have to be made on an individual basis.

Here's hoping you meet a wonderful guy regardless of status, with whom you're comfortable. And thanks to you too, for being a teacher and for the part you play in making many, many lives better . Much,

I'm always touched by your column and those who write in. I think it's important for people to see that getting HIV or AIDS does not have to be the end of the world, and that there are people out there living a fulfilling life and overcoming adversity... you are an inspiration.

That said, I have to admit that I am a bit of a coward... the thought of contracting HIV or any other sexually transmitted disease has made it almost impossible for me to enjoy sex with another man in any shape or form. I have always practiced safe anal sex and hardly ever perform oral sex, and my last HIV test just came back negative a few days ago.

I used to enjoy sex a great deal, but as time goes by I've become increasingly apprehensive about contracting STDs and it's totally taken the fun out of sex for me. I find that even when I'm with someone I know and trust and practicing safe sex, I still can't help visualizing some tiny little virus somewhere climbing up my leg... what should I do?

Dear Red Hot and Rarin' to Go,

I must admit that it's somewhat refreshing to hear that someone is still afraid of contracting AIDS in this day and age of misinformation and complacency.

That said, while a cure remains beyond our reach, we do know enough about HIV transmission to avoid infection. According to the CDC, while HIV thrives in the body, it doesn't fare well in the air.

In other words, you have a right to be apprehensive and are smart to take precautions- - but don't let your irrational fears get the better of you. You may want to take a safe-sex workshop. Experiment. Suck on something different for a change.

Picture that bug on your leg struggling for dear life in the air, while you concentrate on someone's neck, toes, armpits, fingers or ears. Use all of your senses. Include oils, breath, massage, food, role-playing, mutual-masturbation, toys, showers, feathers, etc. in your lovemaking. Know the facts, keep that bug "out" of your body and put some creativity "in" to your sex life.

Why can't my parents deal with my disease? I'm 22, going to school, working part-time AND dealing with HIV. I got right into a support group when I found out I was positive and through education and that support I am happy to say that I feel as if I am an important part of this world, with or without HIV.

I told my folks right away. That was two years ago and they still won't talk about it. I mean, come on man. They are MY parents. Why do I have to be the strong one? Don't get me wrong, they are generous and constantly ask me how I feel but they never wanna talk about how they feel. They get all busy when I talk about my meds or my support group. I know how much they love me so what's up with that?

Dear Younger but Wiser,

Many parents have a hard time dealing with their child's HIV diagnosis. You say that you know how much your parents love you and that may have to be enough for now. Take comfort in that fact, and pride in the fact that you can be of some comfort to them at this time.

Just like you had to deal with your positive status in your own way and time frame, so must they. You can't force them but you can silently educate them. Be open about your life and try to make educational materials easily available to them.

I used to leave magazines and resources around and noticed my parents sneaking a peek at them and then down the line responding to an AIDS related issue where they may have clammed up before.

I suggest you use the support from your group for you and the strength you've developed within yourself to help your parents come to terms with a difficult situation. I've always found that it is best to teach by example. So continue to live your life openly, honestly and lovingly. Your parents will eventually come to respect that. Love them like they love you - unconditionally.

I can't afford to live without a roommate but I can't afford to live with the one I have now. We have been friends for seven years and I consider him to be one of my best friends. About two months ago he met a guy and things are going very well.

I'm thrilled for my friend but our apartment is way to small for three and the sleepovers are occurring here way more often than at his place. Don't get me wrong I actually like his new boyfriend but my space has been cut into thirds.

I'm still on disability because of med changes, so I could use his share of the cash but the lack of space has me too stressed. I'm afraid to talk to my roomie because I don't want him to think I disapprove and I'm afraid I'll go from having two roommates to having none.

Dear Silent or Stress Free,

Things sound tight but you have room to wiggle. Chances are if you feel the pinch he does too, and on some level he is aware of the situation. You may not want to, but I personally believe you need to confront your roommate.

A friendship of seven years is something to cherish and you aren't being completely up front with him by holding in your frustrations. Approach him honestly, not from a place of anger, but from a place of love.

Your feelings aren't irrational and you certainly don't need the stress, but in fairness you have never even given him the chance to remedy the situation. You've got to speak up.

The silent treatment may only make matters worse for both of you. He may get upset and you may have to alter your living situation, but he can't be angry with you for being honest in the name of friendship.