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Pen Points
Letters to Gay Today |
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A Roman Catholic Response to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence
It must infuriate you pansies that the new millennium is almost upon us and
your faggot/dike agendas are no closer to becoming mainstream then they were
twenty years ago.
Why else would your "organization" be resorting to an all out, in-your-face event to be held this Easter? You girls must really be pissed! What is your major malfunction here?
The Catholic Church is not your enemy. Your enemy is the guilt and regret you feel immediately after each and every time you shoot your load on some guy's hairy ass. Don't be angry at the other 97% or 98% of us guys who have no intentions, or ambitions in probing another guy's prostate with our dicks. Some of us might even be Catholic. So please don't persecute us anymore! In the mean time, just chill, and remember not to let the cum dry in your mustache. JNB Farmer GayToday's Editor Replies: Farmer's Error #1: Same-sex love and affection in America is far closer to mainstream acceptance than was the case 20 years ago. 1998 alone has been a banner year. Read GayToday and rejoice! Farmer's Error #2: The Archdiocese of San Francisco is the party that's been "really pissed". The San Francisco convent of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence had planned and received the city's permission well in advance of the Archdiocese's intolerant, ugly protest. As to the said malfunctions you mention? Should any exist, we don't perniciously claim—as does the Catholic Church-- that all human errors are the product of Original Sin caused by the Adam and Eve business. You know, the rib-gets turned into a woman and she meets a naughty serpent and foolishly partakes of the forbidden fruit? Reportedly this was the cause of an eternal curse that can only be avoided through the nursing of certain dogmatic Roman Catholic beliefs. Bless your soul, you do believe that old rib story, don't you? It's the very basis of your Catholic salvation theory. Tell us about malfunctions, do.
Farmer's Error #3: Anal sex, or fudge-packing, as prudish nerds such as yourself call it, is endemic among heterosexuals. Check out your local X-rated video store if you don't believe me. As to that other practice which so horrifies your Missionary Position soul--oral sex—heterosexual style-- has recently received wide notice in connection with the President of the United States. Catch up at least to the Sixties, mon. It's a new day.
Farmer's Error #4: Our cause for equal rights will never come to fruition? Haven't you heard the old adage: Never say never? Check out the advanced state of the law in New Hampshire. Or look north to Canada. Farmer's Error #5: You think 10%'s too high? You've accepted Jerry Falwell's percentages and we all know just how reliable is that tubby televangelist. Farmer's Error No. 6: "Don't ask, Don't Tell?" The Fat Lady hasn't sung about the military struggle yet. And we've won some significant battles that have unmasked—in media-- the Pentagon policy for the travesty it is. Farmer's Error No. 7: If the Roman Catholic Church is not the enemy of same-sex love and affection please tell the Pope to get his mitts off our posteriors. Farmer's Error #8: Sexual guilt on Planet Earth is far more common among Catholics and religious fundamentalists than among any other known groups. But there are many persons, in fact, who've escaped such "religiously" induced guilt altogether. Be forewarned: Guilt ruins an otherwise sexy smile. Farmer's Error #9: Your hindquarters may be hairy, but most other men are smoothies. Suggestion for you: shave.
Farmer's Error #11: Perhaps your main problem, aside from a posterior that's in need of a haircut, is that you've got things ass-backwards. Gay men and lesbians don't persecute Catholics. The Roman Catholic Church stigmatizes and persecutes gay men and lesbians. Farmer's Error #12: Not everybody has a mustache—your own female partner, perhaps, excluded. Here's What God Really Wants?
That is what God would want as he wants for each and everyone of us to be with him for eternity. People all have their reasons for doing what they do and usually it comes from the pains of their pasts. That does not make it right whether it be homosexuality or it be hate spreading as (Rev.) Fred Phelps chooses to do. But God does forgive and it would be my hope that people practicing homosexuality and that people practicing their hateful acts would all come to know the love of God and the plans that he has for all of our lives and come to him asking forgiveness and asking for his love to lead us. The battles that are most often done in the name of God are really a disguise to do battle against others for reasons sometimes that only God knows the truth. The homosexual, most often, practices homosexuality as a form of rebellion because of his or her own pain and feeling of not fitting in. People should not want or desire to fit in as we are only here but for a moment anyway. Being a part of God and getting to know who he really is is what should be most important to all of us. Unless a person is against God then he should ask him what the truth is about homosexauality, or as in Fred Phelps case his hate against people who don't do what he thinks that they should, and they should allow God to lead them away from that that is against him. But only God should be the Judge and no one has the right to condemn anyone else. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope somehow it helps. Michael Hollenbeck GayToday's Editor Replies:
Enlightened Christians do not share your views. Witness the many heterosexual ministers currently braving expulsion to perform same-sex unions. Witness the recent supportive statement released by the MLK Center. Jesus said nothing to condemn same-sex love. In fact, he simply said love your neighbor and, as reported, he kissed his male disciples. Hardly homophobic behavior.
Nor is homosexuality caused by rebelliousness any more than heterosexuality is caused by unquestioning obedience. Judge not that ye be not judged is a Bible verse you seem to have remembered and for that, at least, you must be credited. Though I believe you to be terribly mistaken, your letter appears to have been written in good faith, nevertheless. May you spend eons in heaven. Ta ta. |
Mr. Farmer or Bonobo monkeys? 
The Rev. Fred Phelps 
© 1997-99 BEI