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Girls on the Playground By Bob Minor Minor Details
She can get dirty, tear her jeans, scrape her elbows and shins, hang upside down forever, shout and laugh uncontrollably, and make any sound she wants. For a time in her life there are no limits placed on her just because she's a girl. She thinks of her body in terms of how it functions to accomplish her many dreams, not as an object judged by others. She couldn't care less about how she looks and what she wears as long as it helps her do what she wants to do. She might be called a "tomboy," but that's not so bad in our culture. Our society's sexism actually protects her for awhile. A "girly boy" is of concern because we take boys more seriously than girls. "Tomboys" are just different and cute the way little children can be cute. We don't think of girls as that important. So for a while she can ignore the system and play. Most girls have already gotten the messages that they should be preparing for, and thinking of themselves in terms of, what boys want in a girl. It starts earlier than ever as our consumer society sells little girls on how to be pretty, little ladies who will attract boys. Dolls and television, even Mattel's "Barbie computer" (only $699) will tell them that their ultimate goal will soon be to "get a man." That should be the real measure of their success at femininity. And the sooner they prepare for it, the better. At least by adolescence the message becomes clear. Be polite rather than honest. Be pretty rather than fun. Be quiet rather than look intelligent. Be deferential and dependent. Never compete with boys. Finally, forget that relaxed attitude toward your body and take up the self-criticism necessary to turn it into the image it should be to attract the attention and approval of men. The girl who refuses to change and defer, to hide her self, or to sit quietly will be criticized. "You'll never get a man that way," might be said. And if, frankly, she isn't interested in boys at all and continues in adolescence to be free from the pressures to look "straight," she may also maintain her freedom to accomplish what the "straight" and "straight acting" girls are less likely to accomplish. The girl who shows no interest in boys is free to remain her own active, rambunctious self, free to explore her athletic abilities, free to think of her body as hers and push it to learn how few limits she actually has. As she does so, she will be accused of being a lesbian. And as long as that is considered a bad thing, that will be an effective tool to put most women back into the role of a lady.
In athletics she can find a protective space in which to grow. As psychologist Mary Pipher points out in the important book Reviving Ophelia (1991), girls in sports are actually often more emotionally healthy than those who are not. They are a member of a peer group that defines its members by athletic ability rather than popularity, wealth, boyfriends, or beauty. They can choose their own discipline and athletic goals, and can cooperate with other girls. They can bond with other women for a cause. And they can do so without males.
Even with the rise of successful women in sports, there remain attempts
to make sure women defer to men. It's not just the past preponderance of
male coaches. Women's sports have been devalued. Only with the Federal Title
Nine Program has equality been possible. And that federal program (note
all the politicians who are against the "feds" interfering with
education) is probably most responsible for the fact that the United States has a
world championship women's soccer team.
Yet the "put down" that women with great athletic abilities are lesbians remains. In effect it says they are not "real women." As long as culture considers it bad for a woman to be a lesbian, that will be effective. And lesbians will be represented out of proportion to their numbers on athletic teams. It's not that lesbians have more inherent athletic ability than heterosexual women. It's just that they have often been more free to stay in touch with that ability. They do not need to be defined by men. Until society changes its attitude toward lesbians, that will be the case. In the meantime, it will take courageous women who do not "need" men to make women's sports great. A number of years ago I was called in to help with a response to a report that a male women's athletic coach had announced to his college team that: "There will be no lesbians on this team." It was a discriminatory remark and had to be dealt with institutionally. But given the realities of the pressures on women today to stifle their talents, my first response was, "Doesn't he want to win at all?" Robert N. Minor, Ph.D. is Professor of Religious Studies at the University of Kansas. He is author of the book Scared Straight: Why It's So Hard to Accept Gay People and Why It's So Hard to Be Human, and may be reached at www.fairnessproject.org |
There is something so free about the girl on the playground who hasn't
gotten the message that she should act like a "little lady." The
playground is her place to soar, to dream of flying, driving a race car,
climbing mountains, becoming a great soccer player, or setting new
records on the basketball court.
© 1997-2002 BEI