Gay Today: People

A Talk with Andrew Tobias

By Jesse Monteagudo

In 1973 Andrew Tobias wrote The Best Little Boy in the World, one of the first and best coming out stories. Tobias's memoir inspired a generation of gay men - myself included - and became one of lesbian and gay literature's all-time best sellers. But since best little boys in the world were not openly gay in 1973, Tobias wrote his book under the pen name of "John Reid."

The Best Little Boy in the World were the first gay memoirs that were written by a person who was not an activist, an artist, a drag queen or, at that time, a famous writer. Still, Tobias didn't think he was making literary history when he wrote it: "I didn't think of it at the time. But I thought it was astonishing that no one had told this kind of story before."

Though Tobias didn't know it, his authorship of The Best Little Boy in the World soon became an open secret within the lesbian and gay literary community. It was even mentioned in Ian Young's 1982 bibliography, The Male Homosexual in Literature.

" I was quite proud of the book and didn't mind people knowing I wrote it - privately. But in terms of acknowledging it in print or on TV, I wasn't ready even in 1982. I wasn't aware of that bibliography, but I suppose if I had been I would have felt, 'Why would he do this to me? Why should he out me? Why did he decide to make this choice for me rather than allowing me to make it for myself?' Of course, no harm was done and by now I've outed myself a million times."

Since the publication of The Best Little Boy in the World in 1973 Tobias became famous - under his own name - as a financial advisor and the author of such best sellers as The Only Investment Guide You'll Ever Need and My Vast Fortune: The Money Adventures of a Quixotic Capitalist. He also came out of the closet. Thus it's no surprise that when Tobias decided to write a sequel to his first book - The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up - he would do it under his real name.

I caught up with Andy Tobias while he was in Miami, one of his "homes" (the other two are New York and cyberspace - ), to promote The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up. A follow-up to the first Best Little Boy in the World, The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up details Tobias's life as a gay man, his past relationships and his present one to designer Charles Nolan, his activism, and his friendship with Bill and Hillary Clinton and other celebrities. Though not a groundbreaker like its predecessor, it is a fun read - the episode with the hustler is hilarious - and well-worth the cost.

Why a sequel? "For a couple of reasons. First of all, readers of the first book have asked directly or thru letters to the publisher that eventually reached me - "well, what happened? How did the story turn out?" Second, I wanted to try to help in this continuing process of educating and opening the minds of straight people. Not that I imagined many would buy the book - but the TV and radio stuff that comes along with a new book would be a chance to reach them and contribute to what I call the 'ho-hum-ization' of the topic. (i.e.: he or she is gay - so what?)"

"But I guess the third reason is that I wanted to tell young gay and lesbian kids and their parents that you can have a good, happy, productive life if you're gay, and not just when you are a cute 24-year old. You can be out and be respected. That's a message young g/l/b/t kids-and their very worried parents-need to hear."

"Both books are a combination of indignation and celebration. But in the first, even though I certain am celebrating (hell, I finally got to have SEX!!!), the message was more one of indignation (gays and lesbians were so unfairly marginalized!), whereas in nthe sequel it's kind of the reverse. There's still lots to be indignant about, and I am, but there's even more to celebrate (look how far we've come! and life CAN be great even after you're no longer young and somewhat cute)."

Readers of the first Little Boy book will be disappointed, as I was, that Tobias did not tell his parents that he was gay, as he claimed to have done in the last chapter of that book. Still, Tobias had the best intentions in mind: "I had certainly not intended to lie (the best little boy in the world is pretty careful about stuff like that) -- read the first chapter of the second book and see what really happened."

Much of The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up is set in the 1970's, a period that Brad Gooch called "the golden age of promiscuity." Memoirs by Gooch, Felice Picano and Edmund White describe that decade as a period of unbridled, promiscuous sex and drug use. However, with a few detours, Tobias's life back then was much more sedate.

Tobias agrees: "As gay guys go, I probably am pretty restrained and inhibited. But you can certainly tell from both books that I've "been with" quite a few people and had a pretty good time. But I was too up tight in my 20s to be wild, and I am too old now to "do the circuit" or any of that. I am one of those fans of Fire Island who has, nonetheless, never been to the meat rack. Hey: it takes all kinds."

I told Tobias that his sexual repertoire was certainly an incredibly limited one for an age where many gay men broke every rule of sexual behavior: "I suppose that's true. In the first book I suggested that if the road to good sex leads from Lisbon to Leningrad I was, at the time, lost somewhere in the Pyrenees. Today I'm someplace in Bavaria. But I have not been flooded with complaints."

One 70's topic that Tobias writes about is the New York gay elite. One of the most interesting sections of The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up deals with Tobias's home on Fire Island, and about the circle of friends he shared the house with; all successful young professionals. I asked Tobias if he and his friends were part of group Picano called the "Class of 1975", "hip, political, talented, beautiful young men who formed and molded gay culture as it exists today" and who were later wiped out by AIDS.

"I guess so. And, yes, about half my friends were victims of AIDS. I've always felt very fortunate - even as a little kid - and thus I've always felt a certain amount of liberal guilt for being so fortunate. I am the first to admit that I have been blessed in life and this is one of the reasons I feel a very strong obligation to try to make a positive difference. It sounds incredibly hokey and corny, but what can I say?"

In any case, being gay didn't hurt the careers of Tobias or his friends one bit. Was there some sort of tacit agreement at the time, at least in New York professional circles, that as long as you kept your sexuality to yourself at work you could do whatever you wanted on weekends and on vacations?: "Sure, I think so. It all depends on where you work and who you work for. In my case, I was almost always able to be open. In many professions, you couldn't be. Part of the reason to write and go around talking about these books is to change that, so more and more of us can comfortably be ourselves."

Tobias is not the "gay militant" type, to say the least. He agrees: "I am not loud enough to be a militant. I also think that while there is a place for militancy, and I am grateful to the people who are, I think by and large people don't respond as well to militancy as they do to heartfelt non-confrontational conversation." But is he a gay activist? "I spend a lot of time and money trying to advance g/l/b/t civil rights. But I've never marched or carried a sign. So maybe, maybe not."

Conversely, some activists would call Tobias a "neo conservative". He certainly fits the bill: a successful career, personal wealth, long-term monogamous relationship, "friend of Bill" and so on. Still, Tobias doesn't agree with that assessment: "Hmmm. As a strong supporter of the Democratic Party and Bill Clinton and long-time card-carrying ACLU member, etc. etc., I'm not sure too many conservatives would think of me that way. But labels aren't very productive, and on some issues 'conservatives' are right and have a lot to offer."

Tobias was one of the first authors to enter the Computer Age; his computer software program, Managing Your Money, is to this day used by many men and women to help balance their accounts. But even Tobias could not predict that a generation of Best Little Boys In the World (and Best Little Girls in the World) would spend much of their lives on cyberspace.

Does Tobias think his life would have been easier if he had a computer and a modem when he was growing up? "Yes," he agrees, "my life probably would have been easier if I had had an AOL account - although I'm not sure I would have been ready until I was ready. I was really determined, as a kid, to 'do well,' and being gay was not something you got gold stars for."

Unlike most other "gay writers" (and I use this term in quotes), Tobias is known for writing nongay material. Does being gay have an impact on his nongay work? "Not much. I suppose there are some folks who, now that they know I'm gay, will shun my investment advice, etc., or some meeting planners who may decide not to risk booking me to speak. But the only connection I really see is that occasionally, where I appropriately can, I try to slip in a little ho-hum-ization-a quick reference to "my boyfriend" or something, just to signal that, among other things, I happen to be gay."

Two "nongay" causes that Tobias is very passionate about is cigarette smoking - he's against it - and auto insurance reform. I asked Tobias, tongue in cheek, if these were issues that lesbians and gay men should be involved with. The answer, of course, is a resounding yes: "Any gay man or lesbian not on the front lines of automobile insurance reform should be ashamed to look him- or herself in the mirror."

Andrew Tobias has been living in Miami, at least part-time, since 1983. Since this interview is written primarily for Floridians, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell his fellow Floridians: "Register to vote! Vote for Buddy MacKay! Vote for Democrats (not that there aren't some fine Republicans) because we need desperately to avoid a Republican lock on Congress. Get your friends to register! This is serious."

Tobias wrote The Best Little Boy in the World when he was 25. He wrote The Best Little Boy in the World Grows Up at 50. Tobias ended the second book with a "Proposed Epilogue" in which he imagined what his life would be like in the next millennium. In spite of all that, I asked Tobias if he would consider writing a sequel at 75. Though he did not give me a direct yes or no, he gave me a proposed title for the book: The Best Little Boy in the World Gets Cranky.