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Quotes & Quips
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Compiled By Jack Nichols What Does Pregnant Mean?I've decided that when I go home I'm going to try my hand at bipartisan humor. After all, what heterosexual came up with the phrase “pregnant chads”? If it had been up to a queer, we would have called them dingleberries. Kirk Read—“How to Talk to a Republican”—The Letter, January Roommate Reproduction Gay male couples could soon create their own babies without women's eggs, scientists say…Japanese cloning researchers believe they are close to reprogramming male cells so they can produce eggs, London's Sunday Times reported. It would mean two men could produce the egg and sperm, with a woman needed only for nine months to carry the child…One man's sperm could be combined with his male partner's artificially created egg in the laboratory, and the embryo inserted into a host mother. Both men would be biological fathers of the child… But the child would have no biological mother, only a birth mother. Jen Kelly—“ Gay men may soon make babies”-- Melbourne Sun Herald, January 4 Exposing the Homo Handshake 1. The prospective recruit (palm facing) is approached by a homosexual using the “three finger lure.” 2. The homosexual extends his middle finger toward the tender area of his prospect's palm. 3. If there is no resistance, the homosexual begins to “tickle” the soft skin at the center of the palm. 4. During the final downward motion of the shake, it is seen who will insert or receive the index finger, Thus establishing who will play the “girl” when they later meet in a public toilet for sex. Landover Baptist Church—January 6 www.landoverbaptist.org Fairies & Astronauts Even Peter Pan is almost one-hundred. But just like John Glenn, he can still fly. Dan Rather-- CBS Evening News, January 3 Wigged Out Tupperware When Tupperware parties were last in vogue, women drove station wagons and served guests Coke in bottles. Fifty years on, parties are still the main sales channel for Tupperware, and there are over 70,000 sales agents. (Consultants, please; never Tupperware ladies.)..One of them, Brini Maxwell, just happens to be a drag queen. For a Tupperware party at the apartment of Chad Evans, a clothing designer, Ms. Maxwell donned a polyester shirtdress and a flippy blond wig and trilled to a group of mostly gay men: "Look at this marvelous pitcher in mint green. It's so cleverly designed." Karen Robinovitz—“The Tupperware Queen”—New York Times, January 7 Sad Day for Democracy It is a sad day in America when we can't find a senator to sign the objection. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-Illinois)—joined by 13 others in the U.S. Congress who objected during the installation of George W. Bush as president to the rejection by his political peers of an investigation of fraudulent voting procedures that disenfranchised thousands of Florida's voters. Voting Machines Misaligned? If the voters' cards had been aligned properly, the study found, Vice President Al Gore would have gained 316 more votes than the president-elect, George W. Bush… Salvanto suggested alternatively that the ballot slots in some voting machines may have been misaligned. Andres Viglucci—“Researcher says Ballots Misaligned”—Miami Herald, January 6 Travesty City, Michigan
Editorial-- Rainbow controversy recalls dark chapter”--Lansing State Journal—January 5 40 Years of Cabinet Watching It is a more conservative cabinet than Ronald Reagan's. Its the best cabinet that I have ever seen in 40 years of watching cabinets. Robert Novak—Conservative pundit on Crossfire--CNN, January 5 Dear Friends Of Baby Jesus This morning over a tray of fresh pastries (a fruit platter for the Baby Jesus - He was looking a bit paunchy after the HOLYdays) and cappuccinos I got to thinking about prayer. “BJ”, I said, “You hear an awful lot of prayers. I imagine that after a while it gets like listening to Wayne Newton--a whiny, boring, hum. All those mindless people going on and on and on about what they don't have or what they need. Really! If they were living the way they were supposed to be living they wouldn't have to ask for a thing. Tell me dear, and put down that croissant -- do you want people to start calling you Buddha? -- tell me, just how do you deal with it all the time?” Sister Taffy—“Daily Blessings with Sister Taffy”-- www.sistertaffy.com/ |