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Quotes & Quips
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Compiled By Jack Nichols Corpus Christi:Outside a Theatre Where Jesus is Gay So, religious types, take note; the devil doesn't need to advertise if you do it for him. The circus was in full swing when I arrived…There was a phalanx of tight-lipped, leaflet-thrusting Presbyterians at the theatre door. There were television news crews. There was a bomb threat. A caller from Hong Kong had begged the theatre to ban the play, "for the love of God". The theatre owner checked tickets on the street, in the hope of preventing extremists from sneaking inside (extremists, apparently, never think to buy tickets and air-kiss their way into the foyer)…A bus arrived with "Islam – The World's Fastest Growing Religion" airbrushed down the side, and disgorged 18 men with huge black bristling beards who moved, shoulder to shoulder, in a single block like a Southpark cut-out, and stood staring silently at the theatre until they charitably called on God to curse "everyone who assisted in this filthy act". Fiona Scott-Norman—“The night I gave my heart to a gay Jesus”—The Age, Melbourne, Australia, January 20 The Gay Press Today " (The original) Gay was feisty and passionate and funny," Nichols said. "I'd say the gay press now is conservative and moderate. What's missing is boldness. That feeling of - we don't care what the neighbors think.” Jack Nichols, GayToday's Editor—Quoted by Kevin Riordan—“Media Evolution: Gay Press Gains Clout”—Philadelphia Gay News, January 19 www.epgn.com Questioning W. People say you're a buffoon. How do you respond to that?
Barbara Walters—20/20, January 19
Bush's Acceptance Speech (first draft) My fellow Americans, it's about damn time. All you liberals can just kiss my big, white Texas ass if you think I'm gonna spew a boatload of bipartisan bullshit. Let's set the record straight here. I won, dammit. Hell, I won FOUR OR FIVE TIMES, you stupid bastards. We got the Presidency, we got Congress, and by the end of four years we'll have even more of the Supreme Court. The Republicans are here, and we're gonna show you how it's done. Ya'll want me to reach across party lines now? How 'bout I reach across and bitch-slap all your sorry-liberal-monkey-asses? How'dya like that? Don't get me wrong, here. The sense of satisfaction I'm feeling right now isn't that I've won--it's that I won't have to listen to Al Gore bitch and moan about "letting every vote count". The only reason this went as far as it did is because you Democrats have a playground crybaby as your poster-boy, and I for one am glad I won't have to see him on TV anymore. This might sound snippy, Mr. Gore, but as we used to say in the sandlot...LOSERS WALK!!! As I said in my campaign, I promised to be a president who focuses on education. My first task as President will be to start an educational program for all you Florida-idiots who can't tell your elbow from your asshole or how to poke a stylus through the right hole. I don't get you liberal Democrats: when we're talking about Bill Clinton and some office whore, you say that lack of penetration doesn't count; but when it comes to ballots, lack of penetration DOES count. You want a solution to this problem? Take some Viagra, you old farts, and finish what you started next election. Until then, I want to ask you just one question: "Who's yer daddy???" And so I humbly accept the office of President of these United States. Thank you. Circulated on the Internet-- January 19 Drag Icon's Veggie View The meat wars are raging at the Norfolk, Virginia-based People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The group's latest eye-catching print campaign targets the gay community and features outrageous drag icon Lypsinka, who looks a bit like a deranged Lucille Ball…"I hate men's guts," screams Lypsinka in the amusing ad copy. The print ad also encourages gay men to forgo meat as one of their New Year's resolutions and turn instead to GoVeg.com for "free, waist-slimming veggie recipes." Chicago Sun Times—“ Maytag ads go in for a makeover”-- January 19 Pants on Fire! . . . Mr. Ashcroft may have left even more land mines in his testimony about the businessman, philanthropist and former law school official James Hormel, the Clinton ambassador to Luxembourg whose nomination he had fought. Asked by Patrick Leahy, the Judiciary chairman, if he had opposed Mr. Hormel because Mr. Hormel is gay, Mr. Ashcroft answered, "I did not." Then why did he oppose Mr. Hormel? "Well, frankly, I had known Mr. Hormel for a long time. He had recruited me, when I was a student in college, to go to the University of Chicago Law School," Mr. Ashcroft testified, before adding a cryptic answer he would repeat two times as Mr. Leahy pressed him: "I made a judgment that it would be ill advised to make him ambassador based on the totality of the record."…The implication of this creepy testimony is that Mr. Ashcroft, having known the 68-year-old Mr. Hormel for decades, had some goods on him. The use of the word "recruit" by Mr. Ashcroft also had a loaded connotation in context, since it's common for those on the religious right who argue (as Mr. Ashcroft does) that sexual orientation is a choice to accuse homosexuals of "recruiting" the young. Frank Rich—“After the Ball is Over”—Washington Post, January 20 Lovebirds: Cary Grant and Randolph Scott
Janet Cawley—quoted in The Wockner Wire #128 www.planetout.com/wocknerwire/ Material Girls To me, the most important values are intangible. Truth, love, sharing, nurturing, having fun…these are things I value. But I have friends who value worldly status and wealth—tangible rather than intangible things. One friend in particular has told me that she could not see herself in a close relationship with me because my job is low status. Ron Van Dyke—“What the Hell is Personal Integrity Anyway?”—Paradox, February issue. Pro-Wrestling: Monkey See, Monkey Do A teen who says he accidentally killed a 6-year old family friend while imitating pro-wrestlers kicked and slugged the girl until she suffered severe injuries not even seen in car crashes, a prosecutor told jurors Tuesday. Florida Today—“Wires”-- January 17 Daughter of God's Husband Arrested Ft. Myers--A man whose wife convinced others she was the daughter of God is facing trespassing charges after officers accused him of disrupting the city's Martin Luther King Jr. Day celebration…Bradshaw is the husband of Richelle Bradshaw, the self-proclaimed 'Daughter of God' who was convicted last year of ordering followers to rob convenience stores to support their lavish lifestyle. Florida Today—“Wires”-- January 17 |