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Web Site Review by Jack Nichols
My poor man's dictionary defines satire as "an artistic work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit."
The Onion, already a popular site, is one that's still unknown to too many. It's a treasure house of satire, one wherein its headlines alone suffice to induce uncontrollable fits (depending on the reader) of apoplexy or glee. This reviewer has always contended that jest and facetiousness are the best available weapons against the twin devils of political and religious skullduggery.
Satire is as old as ancient Greek and Persian literature. Its updates have come at regular intervals, arriving with some of our finer Western works created by the likes of Jonathan Swift, Voltaire, Mark Twain or David Feinberg . Now, thanks to loony old Lucifer, The Onion provides a satire-needy world with its steady flow of impious, iconoclastic screeds designed especially for our times. "Casual One-Nighter Gives Strom Thurmond Change Of Heart On Gay Issue," sings one unforgettable headline. The purported news story tells how "Thurmond, 93, first elected to Congress in 1956 on a segregationist platform, described the homoerotic rendezvous as 'a remarkably loving and mutually rewarding exchange of affection between two consenting adults." Another geezer, the Pope, gets his licks too: "Aging Pope 'Just Blessing Everything In Sight' Say Concerned Handlers" and "Pope Condemns Three More Glands."
Not even Christ is safe from The Onion's stench
Sometimes The Onion makes us privy to religious "news" that has undeniable significance: "Vatican Rescinds 'Blessed' Status of World's Meek. 'Screw the Meek,' Says Pope," or "Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion Clinic Attack," or "Jewish Elders Lift 6,000 Year Ham Ban." The Onion is rife with gay and lesbian and news and views: "Community Bands Together To Get Through Lesbian-Gym-Teacher Crisis," for example, or "Church Group Offers Homosexual New Life In The Closet." One fellow, a macho heterosexual malcontent, wonders why all the homos insist on sucking his cock wherever he goes. "Look," he writes, "I'm not a hateful person or anything--I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock." He tells of trysts in the shower, the woods, the beach club and the video store. "I tell you," he confesses, "when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?" "Area 18-Year Old Demands Right To Be Sexually Harassed In The Workplace," is a headline that contrasts nicely with "Local Lutheran Minister Loves to Fuck His Wife," or "Area Students Prepare Breasts For Increased Springtime Display," or "Local Youth To Explore Own Body," or "Couple Upstairs Going At It Again." "Buck-Naked Man Stresses Importance Of Proper Schooling" or "Man Has Amazing Ass" are precisely the kinds of news you won't want to miss. Did you know, for example, that "Children of Divorce Are Twice As Likely To Write Bad Poetry?"
Everyone's favorite great great grandfatherly bigot, Sen. Strom Thurmond, makes The Onion hit list.
Rush, do not procrastinate. Spend your valuable time giggling in a realm where astonishment beckons. Ripley's 'Believe It or Not' has nothing on The Onion which covers both the improbable and the likely with greater style and elan. You won't want to miss "Housewife Charged In Sex-For-Security Scam", or "Headless Barbie Found In Shallow Shoebox Grave." If politics are your bag, you'll want to know "Buchanan Woos Gay Vote: "I Promise I Won't Incinerate You" or "Congress Passes Freedom From Information Act" or "Fed Chief Announces Lowering Of Interest In Fed Chief's Wife," or "EPA Places Good Single Men On Endangered Species List." There's even news for kids: "What Mr. Undertaker Did To Grandma!" If The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and Church Lady are your idea of good-time liberation in action, The Onion will provide you a weekly feast of lib joy. Eat it. 
GayToday's Senior Editor is author of The Gay Agenda: Talking Back to the
Fundamentalists, published by Prometheus Books. GayToday's readers
may order this book for $18.87, a 30% discount off of the regular price of
$24.95. Of this book Dr. Rodger Strietmatter, author of Unspeakable: The
Rise of the Gay & Lesbian Press in America, says: "Jack Nichols' intense
passion and graceful writing style combine to create rousing messages
reminiscent of the inspirational words written by Thomas Paine two centuries
ago." To order The Gay Agenda on-line explain that you would like a GayToday
reader's discount: pbooks6205@aol.com or call toll-free (800)421-0351
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