Badpuppy Gay Today

Monday, 19 May, 1997

DYING 101: A Short Course on Living for the Terminally Ill, by Gail Cason-Reiser, Michel J. Demoratz, & Richard Reiser, Pushing the Envelope Publications, 1278 Glenneyre, Suite 313, Laguna Beach, California 92651-3103, $19.95

This is a good book to read well before you have to. It addresses the psychological and social issues faced by anyone with a life-threatening illness. The guiding metaphor is the journey--in fact, the book, with its soft black cover and wire binding, resembles a certain book of road maps (be sure you grab the right book when you head for Pasadena!)

The journey is yours; only you can decide how to take it. How aggressively do you want to treat your disease? At what point do you want to switch from aggressive to palliative care, which aims to give you some degree of well-being and comfort, despite lack of probability of cure? There is a good basic description of various treatment modalities, including their consequences.

As you go through the process, pay attention to your physical condition: is the body shutting down? Talk frankly with medical personnel and case managers about your needs (such as help at home, or the flexibility to exchange nonessential insurance benefits for essential ones).

Dying takes place in a social context. Other people--family, physicians, nurses, and others--have hidden agendas about your dying. Loved ones and caretakers do not want you to die. Your insurance company does not want you to be expensive.

It is important for you to face your own hidden agendas, which may include shame, guilt, and a variety of family-of-origin issues. Support groups can help resolve these.

Durable power of attorney, advanced directives, wills and trusts, funeral arrangements are also discussed, as is the issue of suicide (they oppose it.)

What can you do in the meantime? You can "practice" dying in your imagination and actions: grieving, withdrawing, being angry, playing "normal", making decisions, talking about death, imagining being dead and "crossing over to the other side". While you can, talk to friends, say your thank-you's, make your amends, there may not be time at the end.

Intended primarily for the seriously ill and those who work with them, this book is also valuable to the general public. Confronting what is unknown and frightening, we become free to live more fully.