Badpuppy Gay Today |
Monday, 07 July, 1997 |
WFMU Catalog of Curiosities, 1997 Heaven's Gate Edition
. Listen to WMFU at 91.1 FM in the New York metropolitan area or at 90.1 FM in the lower Hudson Valley, Pennsylvania and Northwest New Jersey.________________________________________________________________________
Generally, at my pad, catalogs--arriving unsolicited in the mail--get junked. There's hardly time, even, for the venerable International Male, with its clothes-horse bods and pretty-boy faces. But I shall not toss this swank WFMU Catalog of Curiosities with its oddly-disturbing cover, its classic Jim Ryan cartoon (jimcomx@cnct.com), its arresting graphics and multi-uproarious descriptions of creepy-corn, loony-tunes doo-dads for sale. I was compelled, in fact, to peek inside, and once there, I got waylaid for a full hour by a smorgasbord of wackiness, weirdiness and wonder. Knowing as I do (having been the first managing editor of SCREW magazine) what provokes and what doesn't, whoever had the good sense to mail this curiosity catalog knew they'd aimed it at the quintessential weird kid who'd probably order more half of what WFMU's happy-go-lucky hucksters offered. Toward the back pages, somewhere, I gasped. I couldn't believe my one-hand-clapping eyes. (What is the sound of two eyelids batting?) Hoo-haa! Its one of my old Zen gurus, Alan Watts, almost forgotten by the paparazzi, but given in this amazing catalog a full page of humor-praise, not to mention a notation that WMFU has been promoting him ever since he went to his over-yonder-nowhere-reward. There were three of his books offered cheap, an OM-chant CD and a Mystic Fire video for good measure. The video promotional says: "See Alan roam through his field. See Alan drink tea. See Alan spin a ball on a string. All as he discourses on the nature of work and play. A real revelation if you've only ever heard him, this filmed lecture is a rarity and a reminder of just what a magical presence and charismatic force Mr. Watts was." And proving that WMFU is a great purveyor of civilized discourse, there was this unmatched rap about Watts: "Alan Watts was the Sunday school teacher we wish we'd had. An existential cosmic joker with Anglican good manners, Watts offered rum-soaked ruminations on Asian spirituality punctuated by an infectious chortle. He deciphered Zen and the Tao without diluting their mystery, reminding us how the mystery is both the problem and the solution (neither of which ultimately matters). Get it? We dig. That's why we've been airing his lectures for 20 years...." If this were not enough to pop the senses of a retro-Sixties salivator, I discovered, on another page, the perfect replica of John and Yoko in one of their famous nudie portraits--except, on closer inspection, Yoko and John seem to have metamorphosed. The close inspection is called for, natch, because both icons are flaunting male genitals, dual penii. Not that Yoko doesn't look perfectly adorable as a male, but, well, it isn't her. She and John posed for SCREW once, and so I speak from first-hand (not hand-- but eye) knowledge. The WFMU Catalog of Curiosities is chock full of queer (in the most meaningful sense of the word) posters, tee-shirts, CD's, books, with over 180 new items in its 1997 Heaven's Gate Edition. There's noise, funk, jazz, krautrock--all saluting the dawn of the post-ironic age. Back cover cartoonist Jim Ryan explains--in Irony Bored--the fascinating decades-long-history that preceded today's post-ironic era. "Just when did smirking become our best fun?" he asks poignantly, making references to the Graceland bubble bath and Leonard Nimoy records. "I think it started," he says, "with Punk: Geeky was hip; a taste for the stupid, a badge of intellect. It dragged irony out of New Yorker essays and into clubs with really scary bathrooms." Ryan tells us, using true art as his medium, that "By the mid-80's irony was open to anyone aware that pro-wrestling was fake." Have you been looking for the ultimate Country-Western CD? One with an appropriately sleazy motel showing on the cover? Its here, titled, God Less America, described in the ad-blurb as "more miserable'n a eunuch in a whorehouse, drunker'n a sailor on leave," including "chestnuts like Please Don't Go Topless Mother by Troy Hess and Ramblin' Red Bailey's 8 Weeks in a Barroom plus Rock and Roll Killed My Mother, by the Hi Fi Guys and 13 more musical tales of misery, heartache and inbreeding." Wanna watch Christian Youth Scare Films? The video is yours for only $19, and offers "three squeaky clean 1950's religious shorts" to take you back "to a time in America when Hope meant Nukes and Dope meant Kooks. Visit Joe and Donna in their suburban basement lab, where they begin to question the Lord's existence because these new scientific theories make so much darn sense! Fortunately a visiting (devout) scientist sets them straight." All three shorts are presented in their entirety, says the catalog, "along with filmed preambles for teachers and preachers, on the proper use of these films to keep the teenage flock from straying." Yup, there's stuff in this here catalog that'll help you cope with mental illness, put you in orbit, take you back to your greasy-kid self, and make you aware of what the impending Global Cooling is all about. There's Sleaze-O-Rama, Conspiracy Theories, Comics and more comics, Outsider Art, Gnu Music, Frets of Yore and more. The Catalog of Curiosities is as near as your telephone. Call its makers immediately and make rude noises. WMFU's Catalog of Curiosities will be sent to you, dear weirdo, upon request. Give them your address. You won't regret it. Phone orders may be made through (201) 678-4277. Or you may fax your request: 201-414-9225. Their e-mail is catalog@wmuf.org There's even a web site address, sweethearts. Its: http://www.wfmu.org Isn't that special? |
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