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The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman, Cleis Press, $21.95 paper 
In the days of the late great Johnny Carson's Tonight Show, one of my
favorite running audience games was "Stump the Band." Members of the
studio audience would challenge Doc Severinsen's group of
been-there-done-that musicians by naming a tune so obscure that nobody in
the band had ever heard of it.
I had a flashback of that game somewhere in the middle of Felice Newman's The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, a book so thorough, so inclusive, and so gosh darn Up-With-People about hot lesbian sex, that I bet no lesbian on the planet could stump Newman. Desire, fantasy, every twist and turn of the erotic imagination -- it's all here, complete with suggestions for girls who aren't sure where to start. Fetishes? -- here. Porn, videos, pocket rocket vibrators at lunchtime -- here. Internet chat rooms, personal ads, masturbation -- here. Breasts, clits, shaving, piercings, oral sex, anal sex, even girl-on-girl cocksucking -- she knows those tunes! Strap-ons, sex toys, lubes, BD, S/M -- all here, with detailed riffs on endorphins, negotiation, risk, surrender, intimacy, adventure, safety, and play parties. Newman calls The Whole Lesbian Sex Book the first lesbian sex guide of the new millennium, what "may well be the first comprehensive lesbian sex guide ever." She promises and delivers lesbians and bisexual women detailed how-to information on sex techniques, from cunnilingus to fisting and everything in between and beyond. The book includes excellent discussions of body image, female anatomy, sexual health (including how to choose a health care provider), gender identities, aging, even childbirth and sex during pregnancy. Newman, publisher of Cleis Press since 1980, admits she's no traditional sex expert. She's just a woman who has always loved women, who has known she's been a lesbian as far back as she can remember, who loves sex, and who believes passionately that "we all deserve as much erotic pleasure as life can offer."
There's no face here, no actual person -- correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it exactly these kinds of objectifying images that once sent angry women into the streets in protest? Oh well, it's the new millennium, and Newman tells us that her book "avoids making political judgments about desire," and is deliberately different from other lesbian sex books that "insist on a 'right' way for women to have sex with women," as well as those emphasizing dating and romance, or issues of concern to long-term couples (a distinction ironically erased by the folks at Amazon.com, which plugs titles like Judith McDaniel's The Lesbian Couples' Guide: Finding the Right woman and Creating a Life Together, Eric Marcus's Together Forever: Gay and Lesbian Marriage, and Rhona Sack's The Art of Meeting Women: A Guide for Gay Women, to browsers who express interest in Newman's book). Newman does, however, remind readers who hold "play parties" to make them wheelchair-accessible and ASL interpreted. And she does touch on the difficulties of keeping sex alive in long-term relationships, the reasons why some lesbians may wish to choose celibacy at times, even what to do about that awful crick you can get in your neck from going down on your date. Besides its breadth, what is most impressive about this book is its vast listing of resources, available to readers almost no matter where they live. Newman has suggested Web links at the end of most chapters. The book ends with a wonderful bibliography of books, audiotapes, CD-ROMs, e-zines, magazines, and videos, many available by mail, as well as an impressive resource guide to organizations, web communities, support groups, health care centers, retail stores, workshops, classes, and mailing lists. I do have a few small bones to pick: the few illustrations in this book could be better -- why so small? Also, I fear that Newman's cheerleading tone -- "Lesbians love sex;" "There's nothing like tongue and lips on vulva;" "Anal sex is delicious" -- could make some women feel anxious if that's not how they feel. To read Newman's book, sex is almost always a mind-blowing, earth-moving, joyful romp--I wish she had acknowledged that sometimes it's difficult, sometimes it's sad, and sometimes, it's just downright ordinary. I also wish she'd offered suggestions for those women who find that sex can physically painful, orgasm impossible, and desire consistently low. Those problems are always assumed to be "all in your head," and I wish this guide had touched on (albeit controversial) medical and therapeutic approaches to helping women who experience distress in their sexual lives. That said, this is a book that belongs on the shelves of lesbian and bisexual women, the way The Joy of Cooking lived on many of our mothers' shelves. Even women who could cook really well kept a copy around, just in case. |
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