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BuckcuB
There existed, in ancient times, a maddening puzzle called the Gordian Knot. It was a wildly convoluted, unbelievably intricate tangle of silken rope, and for hundreds of years kings and philosophers and sages tried -- in vain -- to unravel the fantastic complexity of the fabulous knot. And then, one day, the Gordian Knot was presented to the young world-conqueror Alexander the Great. The wise men and savants smirked behind their hands as Alexander scrutinized the mad tangle -- here at last was a challenge which would defeat the brilliant young king. But Alexander proved them wrong. With one smooth motion, he drew his sword and hacked the knot neatly in half. Puzzle solved. So while pundits and prognosticators now try to unravel the complicated lies and byzantine justifications of George Bush and his team of handlers, BuckcuB would like to offer you his own version of Alexander's sword. George Bush lost the election, both popular and Electoral College. Knowing how much folks like to celebrate once-in-a-lifetime occurrences, BuckcuB has exciting news for Gay Today's readers. On January 20, 2001, an event will take place which has not transpired for two hundred and twelve years. The office of President of the United States of America will become legally vacant. "Now jest wait a minnit here, ya crazy BuckcuB," comes the mystified voice of the reader, "Ain't that there Shrub er Brush er whatever th' heck his name is gonna be inaugurmatated that day?" Well, that's true, dear reader, so far as it goes. Which isn't very far. On January 20, George Walker Bush will place his hand on the Bible (at which point, were the cosmos a place of justice, he would burst into sulfurous flames) and accept inauguration as President. Illegally. The Texas Twit may be forgiven for possibly not knowing that he is accepting the American nation's highest office unlawfully. Bush is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, and a man who signs death warrants without reading them is not likely to worry about lesser niceties of the law. But his handlers know Bush's impending occupation of the Oval Office is illegal, and they are spinning feverishly in a frantic attempt to change the subject -- let America talk about anything, but America must stop talking about the election itself. You see, dear reader, BuckcuB is not alone in noticing a slight glitch in the decision by the Supreme Court of the United States, which elevated Bush to the presidency. Namely, that the SCOTUS is not empowered by the Constitution to do any such thing. Those powers are expressly and specifically reserved to the Electoral College and to Congress. Now, BuckcuB could go into a lot of technical explanation about judgments "de jure" and judgments "de facto," blah blah blah, which would be about as interesting to read as the telephone directory. The point is, the Supreme Court effectually chose the next President of the United States without any legal or Constitutional authority whatever to do so. Bush, therefore, cannot lawfully take that office. And so the presidency becomes vacant for the first time since another George took office in 1789. General Washington, no doubt, is spinning in his grave. Counterclockwise, even. Much to the horror of ultraconservatives, some pundits of even greater prominence than BuckcuB (hard to believe, I know, but true) are beginning to point out this rather enormous Constitutional flaw, in public and in print.
Those are some pretty serious charges. And when the recount of Florida's popular vote is completed by the newspapers and think- tanks, showing that Al Gore won that vote and therefore Florida's electoral votes, too -- well, it will be too late for spin and damage- control by the right wing. So the conservatives are instead launching a pre-emptive strike. The right wing, BuckcuB sees, is suddenly quick to label as godless Commie-pinko rabble-rousing granola-eating extremists any person or group which objects to Bush's impending lawless installation. Conservative pundits routinely ridicule this new brand of conscientious objector in print and on the weekly round of Sunday political television talk-fests, weaving their Gordian Knot of lies and propaganda. So who exactly are these dangerous radicals, threatening the very fabric of the nation by taking exception to Bush's illegitimate accession? LSD-crazed disciples of Charles Manson, perhaps? Bolsheviks toting shrapnel bombs and copies of the Communist Manifesto? Fanatic Satanists preparing the way for the Evil One to subvert Mom and apple pie? Not quite. One man who objects to this illegal installation has publicly called George Bush "the Butcher of Texas," and his elevation to the presidency "...a national crime." That man is Benjamin Jealous, executive director of the National Newspaper Publishers' Association. The association is a group better-known for protesting the rising cost of raw newsprint paper than throwing Molotov cocktails. How about a man who called, in a speech to the Center for Consitutional Rights about Bush's impending installation, for "a national emergency meeting" in order to "...begin an effort to save democracy for the world"? A wild-eyed leftist maniac, perhaps? Nope. Those words were uttered by the Reverend Walter Fauntroy, a respected 20-year veteran of Congress and president of the Black Leadership Roundtable.
Surely, this must be the nefarious propaganda of a modern Tokyo Rose? The wicked machinations of some latter-day Mata Hari? Actually, the speaker was staid Laura Murphy, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union's Legislative Bureau. And every charge she made is irrefutably documented. These are not exactly the sort of people who meet at midnight in dingy garrets to plot the overthrow of the government, conservative spin notwithstanding. Actually you'd be more likely to find them chatting with lobbyists at Washington's posh Mayflower Hotel. So BuckcuB suggests that we all take the right-wing's foaming condemnation of such objectors with a grain of salt. A grain roughly the size of Mount Rushmore. The Trent Lotts and Tom Delays of the nation are doing their best to take advantage of your natural instincts, oh reader. Everyone likes to be liked. Everyone wants to be part of the team. No one wants to be ridiculed as the nay-sayer who is making waves, especially when the mockery questions your loyalty. BuckcuB has a piece of what he promises is excellent advice: don't fall for it. You do not have to "go along to get along." As shown above, men and women of national reputation and impeccable integrity are loudly and publicly denouncing the coming illegal presidency of George W. Bush. When you, too, denounce the Texas Twit's burlesque of democracy, know that you are in the very best of company, and you may feel justly proud to count yourself among them. The installation of George Bush as President is illegal. It is a fraud. It is un-Constitutional. It is a lie incarnate. It is a swindle perpetrated upon the American electorate by people who are hoping the voters are too stupid or too lazy to protest it. But YOU can protest it, dear reader. And you can protest it with the law, the Constitution, and a large number of prominent and respected Americans on your side. Don't fall for the ridicule of the right wing, whose only purpose is to divide and conquer the opposition. The lies of Texas are upon us, indeed. A Gordian Knot of snarled untruths and tangled fallacies, defying the American public opinion to unravel it. And while we pluck and tug in vain, Bush's handlers are smirking behind their hands at our vain attempts. The sword of truth can slash neatly through that knot, BuckcuB reminds everyone. In so doing, we can send the Texas Twit back from whence he came -- repudiated, disempowered, and deposed from his illegal occupation of the presidency. And the truth is as simple -- and sharp -- as Alexander's famous blade: George Walker Bush lost the election. |
Today, BuckcuB is reminded of an old, old story which used to be
taught to schoolchildren, back when we learned what were called
"classical studies."
Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen 
© 1997-2000 BEI