Gay Today: Viewpoint

Uncle Sam Meets China
and the Personal is Political

From a Chinese e-mail source

Two Neighbors

Dear Mr. Chin:

My name is U. Sam. Here was what happened last weekend.

I drove a van circling around your house, took pictures of your backyard, recorded your bedroom conversation with your wife with high-tech devices.

I admit I did that routinely. But, I drove on a PUBLIC road. When your kid came out biking, I hit and killed him. I swear, it was an accident. Then, my van was landed on your backyard.

So, you should send my van, my equipment and my friends on board back to me immediately, otherwise, the relationship between your family and my family could be damaged.

By the way, I have no intention to apologize because I did nothing wrong.

It happened on a PUBLIC road.

Uncle Sam

Dear Mr. U. Sam:

I demand an apology of your behavior. My young son ran into your van because he had never had good handling on his bike. He had been doing this routinely on public highway with my full consent because I have no concern of his life normally, except when he ran into a rich guy like you. I am the victim here, because it is my family member who died in this situation even though it is his own fault. Even though I constantly abuse my family and have slaughtered many of my other children just a few years ago, it does not give you an excuse.

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I have the right to keep your van because it landed on my property because that is my family tradition to never recognize others' property rights. I demand you to stop your patrol around my house even though your purpose is to investigate my well-known illegal activities and to prevent me from doing damage to my next door neighbor since I have previously threatened to do so. It is not an excuse even though all my neighbors nearby had relied on your neighborhood patrol to keep peace for years.

But please do not let this incident discourage you from shopping in my family store where your initial recognition was instrumental to its success.

Please also vote for me in our neighborhood board because my keeping a neighbor's property is totally separate from my being a good neighbor.

Mr. Chin