Badpuppy Gay Today |
Monday, 18 August 1997 |
This is a very degrading and destructive habit, indulged in by young people of both sexes. There is probably no vice which is more injurious to both mind and body, and produces more fearful consequences than this. It is generally commenced early in life before the patient is aware of its evil influence, and it finally becomes so fastened upon him, that it is with great difficulty that he can break off the habit. Symptoms--The symptoms produced by this vice are numerous. When the habit begins in early life, it retards the growth, impairs the mental faculties and reduces the victim to a lamentable state. The person afflicted seeks solitude, and does not wish to enjoy the society of his friends; he is troubled with headache, wakefulness and restlessness at night, pain in various parts of the body, indolence, melancholy, loss of memory, weakness in the back and generative organs, variable appetite, cowardice, inability to look a person in the face, lack of confidence in his own abilities. When the evil has been pursued for several years, there will be an irritable condition of the system; sudden flushes of heat over the face; the countenance becomes pale and clammy; the eyes have a dull, sheepish look; the hair becomes dry and split at the ends; sometimes there is pain over the region of the heart; shortness of breath; palpitation of the heart; symptoms of dyspepsia show themselves; the sleep is disturbed; there is constipation; cough; irritation of the throat; finally the whole man becomes a wreck, physically, morally and mentally. Some of the consequences of masturbation, are epilepsy, apoplexy, paralysis, premature old age, involuntary discharge of seminal fluid, which generally occurs during sleep, or after urinating, or when evacuating the bowels. Among females, besides these other consequences, we have hysteria, menstrual derangement, catalepsy and strange nervous symptoms. GENERAL TREATMENT. First of all, the habit must be abandoned; this is the first and most important thing to be secured, for unless this is done, every other treatment will be without avail. Everything should be done to strengthen the moral nature of the patient, and to raise self respect. He should cultivate the society of virtuous and intellectual females. Everything of a lascivious character must, be avoided. His mind should be directed to some employment or amusement, that will engage his attention without causing fatigue. He should avoid solitude and never be left alone more than is absolutely necessary, and above all he should never be permitted to sleep alone. The patient should sleep on a mattress, and be lightly covered with clothes. Frequent bathing and washing of the private parts should be employed, as well as sitting baths, and bathing the whole body. The treatment of this disease should be undertaken only by a skillful physician. HOMEOPATHIC. Mercurius, Phospllorus, Auram, Nux Vomica, Cuprum, Cantharides, Conium, Cannabis, are the principal remedies in this complaint. Administration of Remedies.--Of the remedy selected, take a dose (six globules) morning and evening. ALLOPATHIC Tonics should be used, of which the following is recommended: Diluted Nitric Acid, - - - - - - - - - - -4 drachms. Diluted Muriatic Acid, - - - - - - - - - - - 4 " Syrup of Orange Peel - - - - - - - - - - 1 drachm. Water, - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 1/2 ounces Mix, Dose, a teaspoonful in a wine glass of water, before each meal. Or this, Sulphate of Quinine, - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 15 grains Diluted Sulfuric Acid, - - - - - - - - - - 15 drops Compound Tinct. of Cardamon, - - - - - - 8 drachms Tinct. of Hops Compound Infusion of Roses, - -6 ounces Mix. Dose, a teaspoonful two or three times a day. Opinion #2 MONKEY SEE: ONAN DID IT, ME TOO!
By Jack Nichols |
Monkey see, monkey do. The fundamentalist creationists (who are not to be confused with the Pope's Flat Earth Society) will object to my linking their ancestors in any way to excitable chimpanzees or bamboozled baboons, but though they may deny it, they too believe in the monkey see, monkey do theory. Otherwise they wouldn't object, as they always do, to open displays of same-sex affection. If nobody ever took cues from a neighbor's behavior, then there'd be no reason to worry when Monkey Junior walked in on King Kong and found him kissing Mighty Joe Young. But fundamentalists do worry, they do! They're afraid that little Monkey Junior will grow up with too much curiosity at his disposal, setting him on a disapproved course in search of the elusive Top Banana. They go to the zoo and notice that monkeys (without so much as a hint of embarrassment) are uncloseted Onanists, not only indulging themselves in that forbidden solitary pleasure, but, in fact, doing it shamelessly in groups. Monkey business they call it, but in common parlance this behavior is best known as a circle jerk. Among the unspoken dangers of taking a fundamentalist offspring to the zoo is that our simian cousins may be--shall we say--occupied, "working that which is unseemly," as the circumcisionist St. Paul puts it. Better to slice off the organ's end, thought St. Paul, than to play with it. Working it is exactly what these monkeys do, but the worst aspect of such a scene from the fundamentalist's standpoint is that his hairy relatives appear to be having fun on the job, actually enjoying an act for which the erratic Jehovah of Genesis pushed the smite button on his computer and eliminated Onan for the "crime" of spilling his seed on the ground. Personally, I've always been an admirer of Onan's. A careful reading of the Genesis story shows that his capitally-punished "misdeed" had nothing to do with masturbation, but rather with his refusal to have sex with his dead brother's wife, a gal he didn't fancy. It seems that Jehovah, like most macho boasters, thought Onan ought to be ready and willing, no matter who the female receptacle .His rule, that living brothers must copulate with dead brothers' wives was formulated in heaven, I suppose, to insure a continuing population boom within a certain Middle Eastern tribe. Maybe it was more than that Onan just didn't find his brother's wife attractive. Maybe, even, he was gay! But whatever the reason, this tasteful man refused his sister-in-law's dubious charms, and for this he was quickly dispatched. Let me herewith register with the Almighty my objection to this ungodly punishment. And I invite you, dear reader, to join me in resurrecting and rehabilitating dear Onan who --obviously--became a martyr for simply exercising his God-given right to choose where and in whom he would plant his privates. The fundamentalists have lied to us in perpetuity about the "sin" of masturbation, explaining all during the 19th century that hair grows on guilty palms, that mental disorders result, that the act causes blemishes and pimples. During that same century masturbation was called Onanism, after my martyred hero. Perhaps to draw attention away from the ridiculousness of the Onan story, simply because its another one of those hard-to-swallow (no-pun) Bible tales, clergy began changing terminology, referring to the act of taking matters into one's own hands as self-abuse. The real abuser, in my opinion, was the vengeful Jehovah for whose sins the saintly Onan died. Can anyone really believe that God, the Lord of All Worlds, The Compassionate, the Merciful, smote that poor fellow for refusing to screw as instructed? I, for one, can not. In this overpopulated world today, Onan must be turned into an international hero, an exemplar, a martyr, a man whose reputation--if handled properly-- should undergo a fast theological re-interpretation. This could be done with social improvements in mind. Non-penetrative sex is safer sex. I myself favor a maximization of community contact, not unlike our nimble-fingered cousins in the monkey house, but if this seems too expansive a contact for some, the divine thing about Onanism is that its harmless pleasures can be pursued even when one is alone. ______________________________________________________________________ Jack Nichols is the author of THE GAY AGENDA: Talking Back to the Fundamentalists (Prometheus Books, October, 1996) Hardback, 228 pages, $24.95 TO ORDER: telephone: (1-800) 421-0351 fax: (716) 691-0137 ________________________________________________________________________
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